119Madrid is probably the laziest place I’ve ever been to. Goddamn, man,
mid day-siesta? Mid-day siesta?! That’s a thing?! Every business in
Madrid closes from 2-5 pm. No food, no nothin’ during that time, so you
better hope you don’t get hungry. What a jam. Speaking of jam, the only
thing to eat is jamón. If you’re not familiar, jamón is dry-cured ham that
looks and tastes like scabs. One night I shamefully housed a whole plate
of scabs in bed. Disgusted with myself, I took everyone to McDonald’s
the next evening for dinner. I think everyone was pretty pissed at first,
but if they understood what I went through the night before, they would
have done the same. And besides, when you’re feeling beat after a long
day and your pants are sagging to the floor with coinage weighing
your pockets down, the best thing to do is look into the distance for
something familiar, something comforting and reminiscent of home—
the Golden Arches. It’s the only thing that can really fuel a tour of this
magnitude, washed down with daddy’s milk and Mexican mouthwash.
“ONE NIGHT I
SHAMEFULLY HOUSED
A WHOLE PLATE OF SCABS
IN BED”
Sean Pablo, backside 180 fakie 5-0
at the Praça do Comércio. King Jose
would surely be proud