You’ve seen the way people grieve and
they do have a language for it, and they
do have rituals around death, which al-
lows people to deal with it in a different
way. What insights did you gain about
how different cultures grieve?
It varies a lot from culture to cul-
ture. It’s not as much upfront as you
might think. People are grieving, but
there’s always someone to take care
of you if you’re grieving or crying.
People are always comforting each
other, people are always hugging
each other, they are there for you.
They have these long rituals lasting
days in many of the places I visited
and with these rituals the families
are together, the villagers are there,
they are helping and everybody
knows what to do. There is a lot of
people around – it’s a big event when
somebody dies. Family and friends
support each other both mentally
and financially, and they are ‘in it to-
gether’ – family, friends, neighbours,
and villagers. And because of the
rituals, everybody knows what they
have to do.
When you have all these ritu-
als to attend or to perform, you are
doing something together and you
are being a part of something that
is bigger than yourself. Instead of
here where you go to church for
half an hour and then there’s two
hours of coffee and cake and then
it’s over and everybody goes home.
That means you go home alone. The
grieving part, maybe you can end
up in your apartment with nobody
around. That would never happen
in these places. There’s always peo-
ple around – you cannot share your
grief, but you can be in it together. I
think it helps people to know there is
someone around and they don’t haveTana Toraja, Indonesia. Julius Lantong
with his parents. His mother, Alfrida Tot-
tong Tikupandang, died five years ago
and has been kept in the family’s house
since she died. Her husband, Pantun Lan-
tong, died six weeks before I visited the
family for the second time. They will both
be kept in the house until the family has
saved up money for the funeral ceremony
(Rambu Solo), which probably will be held
within a year. Until then, the couple are
considered to be sick – not dead.
Photo: Klaus Bo.