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Bonnie v
aughan/Bauersyndication.com.au/Magazinefeatures.co.za
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i
n a world where we’re encouraged
to be independent, you may worry
that asking for help means that
you’re imposing on someone, or
that you appear ‘weak’. Yet for all
the reasons you may be loathed to ask
someone for help, there are just as
many why you should. ‘think about the
last time you helped someone,’ says
psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack.
‘did you feel good helping them or did
you feel burdened by it? Chances are
you felt really good. if you don’t allow
people to help you, then you’re stopping
them from having that same sense of
satisfaction.’ there is, however, an art
to asking for support...- Be prepared
Make a list of five or more people you
can rely on for help, such as a partner,
a colleague or an old school friend. For
one thing, it’s best not to put all your
eggs in one basket – at least one person
on your list may be unable or unwilling to
help you with your problem. Remember,
identifying people to turn to in a crisis is
best done when you’re feeling calm and
clear-headed, not when you’re already in
the depths of despair. - Write it down
If your problem is an emotionally fraught
one, it can be overwhelming just figuring
out where to start. Writing everything
down in a letter will enable you to order
your thoughts and concerns so that
when you go to someone, you can say
clearly, ‘This is my problem and this is
how I think you can help.’ Just seeing
it written down on paper could also help
you feel more in control – you can always
destroy the letter afterwards if you don’t
want to hold onto it.- Set up a time
Rather than catching someone
totally off guard, have some
preliminary communication
first. Say, ‘I really need to get
your advice on something. Is
there a time that I can speak
to you tomorrow?’ By doing
this, you’ve set them up to say
yes and given them a chance
to feel prepared. You’re also
giving them time to come up
with good solutions rather than
just whatever comes to mind. - Be goal orientated
Think about what you really need so
you’re not expecting the other person to
read your mind and figure out what they
should do. Or just tell them straight up
that you don’t need any problems solved,
that you just need someone to listen and
give you a hug. - Prepare for rejection
Yes, rejection is a risk you take when
asking for help, so brace yourself for
the possibility. If someone turns you
down, it’s either because they weren’t
ready, willing or able to support you, or
they just don’t understand your situation.
Try not to take rejection personally; they
could be saying no for any number of
reasons, which could include wanting
what’s best for you.- Show gratitude
When you need help, it’s
easy to slip into a state of
‘everything is about me’.
Make sure you show that
you value someone for what
they’ve done – they’re more
likely to help again in the
future if they feel their
efforts are appreciated.
7. Choose your
words carefully
When asking for help in certain situations
like at work, first figure out if you really
need it. A good vent can make us feel
much better, so it’s tempting to disguise
a complaint of feeling overworked or
under-supported by a colleague as a cry
for help. And remember that going to
your manager with a problem and with
no solutions effectively just makes your
problem theirs. A better approach would
be to brainstorm solutions and present
them – your manager will appreciate
that you’ve at least tried to troubleshoot
the problem first.
your Life | smart ideas
How to ask
‘Make sure you
show that you
value someone
for what they
have done’
‘Help’ doesn’t need to be a four-letter word
but there’s a right and wrong way to ask for it
for heLP
and get it
5-min
life fix