The Washington Post - 01.08.2019

C4 EZ RE THE WASHINGTON POST.THURSDAY, AUGUST 1 , 2019

person says, “I am sorry if

anyone was offended.” But in

everyday life, I think there is

value in apologizing for hurting

someone’s feelings, even if the

action that caused hurt feelings

is not apology worthy. Am I

missing something here?

— Genuinely Sorry

Genuinely Sorry: This wasn’t

about feelings, though; this was

an “I had no idea you didn’t tell

your own brother you were

getting a divorce” issue. The

brother-in-law wanted to

control a narrative that wasn’t

fully his to control.

To answer your question,

though, yes, hurting someone’s

feelings — even with no ill

intent — always gets a genuine

note of remorse.

Write to Carolyn Hax at

[email protected]. Get her

column delivered to your inbox each

morning at wapo.st/haxpost.

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some point the brother-in-law’s

brother inevitably was going to

find out, one way or another.

Keeping it a secret was the

brother-in-law’s issue.

— Anonymous

Anonymous: Exactly and totally.

But the sib just wants to

avoid blowing this up and

complicating things for the

sister. Thus my non-apology

apology, which puts the issue

away without any admission of

guilt.

Re: “Non-apology apology”:

Since when did apologizing for

hurting someone’s feelings

become a “non-apology”? I can

be genuinely sorry that I hurt

someone’s feelings, but not

sorry about the actual thing I

said.

I understand this type of non-

apology is an issue in the public

sphere when a person says a

racist /sexist thing (or worse, is

caught harassing someone), and

instead of saying, “I said a racist

thing and I am sorry,” the

Whoops: “I’m sorry, I had no

idea I was putting you in an

awkward spot.”

But, seriously dude?

Re: But, seriously dude?: My

parents separated in January

and started divorce proceedings

immediately. My father told

nobody in his family. His

mother continued to call “their”

house, and my mother would

just say he was at work. Finally,

she called on Mother’s Day, and

my exasperated mother just laid

it out. “He moved out in

January, [MIL]. We’re getting

divorced.” Seriously, people —

own your own s(p)it!

— Exasperated Too

Exasperated Too: Yes, thank

you. Secrecy and privacy are not

the same thing.

Re: “Whoops”: The brother-in-

law wants an apology? For

what? His soon-to-be-ex-wife

told her sibling she was getting

a divorce. It was already “out

there” as public information. At

Adapted from a

recent online dis-

cussion.

Hey, Carolyn: My
sister is going
through an
amicable divorce.
She moved out,
but it’s not final
yet.
I ran into my brother-in-law’s
brother. We usually celebrated
holidays with her soon-to-be ex
and his family, so I blurted out
that I hope he has a good
holiday and I’ll miss seeing him.
It was obvious he knew nothing
about the divorce. I left the
conversation, and he called his
brother, who called my sister.
My brother-in-law is mad at
me for telling this news. He
wants an apology, and I think I
should give it to keep things
amicable during their split. How
do you say you are sorry for
something that you don’t really
think is your fault, but you
regret doing anyway?
— Whoops

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RETURNING

Million Dollar Listing New York
(Bravo at 9) Agents battle for the
best listings. Season 8.

Flip or Flop (HGTV at 9) Friendly
exes Tarek and Christina are back to
renovating Southern Califorinia
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Fear Thy Neighbor (ID at 10) The
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PREMIERE

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(Food at 9) Friends and Food
Network regulars Bobby Flay and
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SPECIAL

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(Discovery at 9) Keith Poe, Joe

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daylight creates a reckoning.

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Daily Show/Noah (Comedy Central

at 11) Diane Guerrero.

Tonight Show/Fallon (NBC at

11:34) Hasan Minhaj, Vanessa

Kirby, Sam Fender.

Late Show/Colbert (CBS at 11:35)

Meek Mill.

Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC at 11:35)

Milo Ventimiglia, Alison Brie, the

Head and the Heart.

Late Late Show/Corden (CBS at

12:37) Jamie Bell, Margaret Qualley,

Freya Ridings.

Late Night/Meyers (NBC at 12:37)

Tony Shalhoub, Gov. Larry Hogan (R-

Md.), Rhianne Barreto, Jeff Quay.

— Nina Zafar

More at washingtonpost.com/

entertainment/tv.

TV HIGHLIGHTS

HGTV
Going for Sold (HGTV at 11) Real estate and design couple Mary Tjon-Joe-Pin
and Jon Pierre work together for their home-renovation business in Houston.

An accidental messenger is caught in the middle

Carolyn
Hax

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