“America” instead of the “United States of
America”. (Something that people from
South America aren’t happy about.) I un-
derstand the need to shorten words and
names. After all, Großbritannien is a bit of
a mouthful. But then, on second thought,
so is Straßenbahnhaltestelle, and everyone
seems fine with that.
The reactions I’ve had after insisting
that I’m from Scotland, not England,
vary from, “Sie nehmen das aber sehr genau!”
to “Schottland ist doch in England.”
I should know better, but I just can’t let
it go. I can’t. I won’t. I will concede that
I’m British, but will nev-
er let anyone maintain
that I’m English. I feel it’s
my duty to inform any-
one who suggests that
this is the case — but I
do so very nicely. I’m no
genius myself when it
comes to geography, and
I was quite grateful when
someone told me that,
no, Baden-Württemberg
wasn’t in Bavaria.
So, slowly but sure-
ly, like an old-fashioned
public service announce-
ment, I’m making certain
that people who know
me also know that Scot-
land is in the UK, not in England, and that
I’m Scottish and British, but definitely not
English.Hot and cold
I like the way classified ads for rental ac-
commodation in Germany are so specif-
ic. Not only do they tell you exactly how
many square metres are on offer and
whether the rent includes utilities (warm)
or not (kalt), you also know how many
rooms fit into those m^2. In contrast, flats
in the UK are advertised as being two-
bed, three-bed, etc. This could mean that,
in addition to two bedrooms, there is also
a kitchen/dining/living room, or a kitch-
en, a dining room and a living room. So, a
two-bed flat might be a two-room apart-
ment with a kitchen and a bathroom, or a
four-room apartment with a kitchen and a
bathroom. You won’t know until you read
the description.
In Germany, flats are advertised as
“2 ZKB” (Zwei Zimmer, Küche, Bad), for
example, meaning that the flat has tworooms, a kitchen and a bathroom. A bit
more specific than in the UK, I think —
except that there might not actually be
a kitchen in the so-called kitchen. In fact,
it’s highly likely that the “kitchen” is no
more than a room with a strip of tiling
along one wall, a couple of water connec-
tions and a water meter.
In Germany, it’s not the landlord’s duty
to provide an actual kitchen; that’s up to
the tenant. Some tenants take the kitchen
with them when they move out, or ask the
new tenant to pay them an Ablöse, which
is German for “money you’re forced to
pay for other people’s
shit that you don’t really
want”. The only person
who benefits from this
system is the landlord, be-
cause he doesn’t have to
pay for the kitchen in the
first place or worry about
its upkeep. For everyone
else involved, it’s a huge
pain in the neck, unless
you’re not strapped for
cash and will quite hap-
pily pay good money to
have a nice kitchen that’s
to your taste, whether
you live in rented accom-
modation or not. And
why not? You can always
take it with you when you move out.
One thing you can count on having
in your rented flat is mixer taps, even
though this is never specified in the ad-
vert. In Germany, washbasins and baths
usually come equipped with taps that
have one lever and one waterspout — re-
member to bring your own for the kitch-
en sink, though.
Although mixer taps aren’t unknown
in the UK, you still find plenty of tradi-
tional taps in homes and hotels: the hot
tap on the left of the basin and the cold
tap on the right — and sometimes the
other way around.
“How are you supposed to wash your
hands with these?” my son asked me.
“Scald your hands under the hot tap and
then cool them down under the cold?”
“Well, you’re supposed to fill the basin
with a mixture of hot and cold water and
wash your hands in that,” I offered.
“Who does that?” he asked, incredu-
lous.
“No one,” I had to admit.benefit [(benIfIt]
, profitieren
classified ads
[(klÄsIfaId Ädz]
, Kleinanzeigen
concede [kEn(si:d]
, einräumen, zugeben
grateful [(greItf&l]
, dankbar
incredulous
[In(kredjUlEs]
, ungläubig
landlord [(lÄndlO:d]
, Vermieter
lever [(li:vE]
, Hebel
maintain [meIn(teIn]
, behaupten
mixer tap [)mIksE tÄp]
, Mischbatterie
on second thought
[)Qn (sekEnd TO:t] UK
, bei näherem Nach-
denken
pain: be a ~ in the neck
[peIn] ifml.
, Ärgernisrental accommodation
[)rent&l E)kQmE(deIS&n]
, Mietunterkunft
scald [skO:ld]
, verbrühen
strapped: be ~ for cash
[(strÄpt] ifml.
, knapp bei Kasse sein
tenant [(tenEnt]
, Mieter(in)
tiling [(taI&lIN]
, Fliesen
unless [En(les]
, außer
upkeep [(Vpki:p]
, Instandhaltung, Pflege
utilities [ju(tIlEtiz]
, Nebenkosten
water meter
[(wO:tE )mi:tE]
, Wasserzähler
waterspout
[(wO:tEspaUt]
, Wasserauslauf,
Wasserhahn“I am
Scottish
and
British,
but defi-
nitely not
English”
66 Spotlight 9/2019 CULTURE