Woman UK – 22 July 2019

Real Life

WhenLisaRichardsfoundan

oldphotoofhermum,itbrought

happy memories flooding back

R

iflingthrougha pileofoldphotos

in theloftthisJanuary,one

slippedthroughmyfingersonto

thefloor.Pickingit up,I took

a closerlook,andhadtocatch

mybreathwhenI sawwhatit was.

Agrainy,black-and-whitephotostared

backatme,andtherewasmymother,

Helen,smilingassheleftchurch.This

mightnotseemmuch,ornoteworthy,

butseeingMumlikethat– happy– was

overwhelming.Becausesincelosingher

in2011,I’dstruggledtoremembermany

timeswhenI’dactuallyseenhersmile.

Growingup,withjustoneyoung

brother,David,MumandI hada close

bond.Whileourdad,Colin,workedasan

electricalengineer,Mumwouldwalk

metoandfromschool,andwhenI was

oldenoughtogoalone,shealwayshad

a snackwaitingonmyreturn– three

Jacob’sCreamCrackerstoppedwith

Cheshirecheese.Tellingheraboutmy

day,I’dpeeloffthecheese,eatingthe

crackersfirst,makingMumchuckle.

Thenin1980,whenI was13,wehad

somedevastatingnews.Mygrandad,

Mum’sfather,diedoflungcancer,

sendingher,then37,intoa spiralofgrief.

Grandadhad

beena wedding

photographerfor

thelocalpaper,

soMumtookover

hisbusiness.Every

weekend,she’d

goofftoRuncorn

registerofficeand

thelocalchurches,

andwaitedonthe

stepsforthehappy

couple.Mumhad

a waywithpeople,

puttingthebrides

ateaseandfixing

theirhair.But

losingGrandad

reallytookitstollonher,andby

September1985,whenI lefthometo

beginuniversity,she’dbeendiagnosed

withclinicaldepression.

WheneverI wenthometovisit,Mum

wouldbeinherroom,eitherasleepor

notwantingtoseeanyone.Dadand

David,then15,weresoworriedabout

herbutweallfeltcompletelyhelpless.

Then,inAugust1986,Mumtriedto

enditallbytakinganoverdose.Shewas

rushedtohospitaland,somehow,the

doctorsmanagedtosaveher,butshe

sufferedmildbraindamageasa result

and developed short-termmemoryloss.

WhenI sawMum

slumpedinthe

hospitalchair,

lookingfrail

andghostly

white,she

barelysaida

word.Itwas

devastating

seeingmy

ovelymum

somiserable

anddesperateforanescape.Whenshe

camehomea weeklater,Mumneeded

round-the-clockcare,soDaddecidedthat

he’dgiveupgoingtowork to support her.

Fadingaway

IvisitedasoftenasI could– butover

theyears,Mumretreatedfurtherinto

herself,notevenmanaginga smilewhen

I hadmysonGeorgeinJanuary2008.

WhenMumpassedawaythreeyears

later,I wasdistraught,butalsoquietly

relievedthatshewasfinallyatpeace.

Intheyearsthatfollowed,I triedmy

besttorememberthegoodtimesI had

withMum.Butafteryearsofstruggling

withhermentalhealth,thefewhappy

childhoodmemoriesI hadofherwere

limited.SowhenI stumbledacrossthis

photoa fewmonthsago,itfeltsoprecious.

ThatlittlegrinonMum’sfacereminds

meofthesamesmileshealwayshadas

I chattedawaytoheratthekitchentable

overcheeseandcrackers.It’smemories

liketheseI neverwanttoforget.

✱Forsupportafterthelossofa loved

one, visit griefrecoverymethod.co.uk

Lucyandhersmiling

mum(farright)

leaving church

SO MUCH

The picture that means

WORDS: MISHAAL KHAN

Lisaasa childwith

hermumHelen,and

as an adult (right)