WWW.OK.CO.UK 57‘I love therapy,’ says
Melinda, who has
seen someone every
week for nine yearsand life that were out of alignment
with who I am, so I couldn’t truly
be happy. In one of my first therapy
sessions they asked if I had good self-
esteem. I thought mine was brilliant.
In reality I had none. I had no intrinsic
sense of self-value and therefore
no boundaries. I was a people
pleaser who would do anything at
the expense of myself. I had no idea
that I had needs, let alone how to
meet them. That was a catalyst that
changed a lot of things for me.
Were you ready for all this change?
I had no idea of the depths I would be
challenged and how I’d change, but it
was ultimately rewarding. It stripped
everything away, uncovered all the
layers – upbringing, environment,
society, schooling and friends. It’s
a painful process because you lose
all your defence mechanisms. For
me, it’s the best gift you can have,
because you find out who you truly
are. I experienced the healing and
now I want to share it with my clients.
I understand what it’s like to feel so
low you’re suicidal. It’s a terrifying and
lonely place. But now I know there are
ways out and I help clients realise that
too. Something within their psyche
needs to die, not them. They’ve lost
hope, but as the therapist we hold the
hope for them. I have hope for them.Do your clients recognise you?
I have a handful of clients, and a couple
have recognised me. They say: ‘You
look like Melinda Messenger. Are
you?’ But very quickly it’s completely
irrelevant because it’s their space and
I’m there for them. One client even said
it helped him because he trusted me.
There’s a parallel between this job and
my media job because they’re both
about people and making connections.How long have you been having
psychotherapy yourself?
I’ve done nine years and I speak to
someone once a week. I love therapy.
As a practitioner you always have to
continue in therapy because you can
be triggered by your clients’ issues.
You have to keep yourself healthy.What do your family and friends
think of the change in you?
It’s challenging for them because as I
change, they have to change how they
are around me. I used to be overly
accommodating. To make an omelette
you have to break a few eggs!How did the psychotherapy
trigger the breakdown of your
marriage to Wayne?
We identified that we couldn’t
meet each other’s needs. We tried
for a long time with everything,
including counselling. But we
realised it wasn’t right.You then had a three-year
relationship with ski instructor
Warren Smith. How did you deal
with that break-up?
I recognised the relationship wasn’t
right and the old pattern would be
to stay way too long in the hope
that things would get better. It was
a real test. What I’ve learnt through
relationships is that I wanted to be
rescued by someone and I hadMELINDA WEARS DRESS BY NEW LOOK; SHOES BY JUST FAB; JEWELLERY BY LICENSED TO CHARM; AND HAIR SLIDE BY GLAM V BY VERY