Golf Monthly UK – August 2019

G

oodnewsamigos,it

turnsoutI canstill

playreasonablegolf.

Actually,forme,

outstandinggolf.I know you’ll all be

pleasedforme.

Moreaccurately,itturnsoutthatI can

half-playthegamedecently. Here’s the

waymylatestround

went...firstnineholes,

12 points,someokay

shots,somebadluck,

someverypoorstuff.

Allrepresentativeof

mygameoverthelast

fewmonths–notbad

enoughtogiveup,not

goodenoughtomake

mebelieveinthe

swingchangesthe

poor,befuddledsoul

whooccasionallytries

tocoachmehassuggested I make as I

tottertowardsoblivion.

Buthere’sthething,theBIGTHING,

aboutthisroundatthebeautifully

presentedHankleyCommonGolfClub

inSurrey,whichoffersaheathland,

sandy-soiled,linksyarenainwhichone

mayescapethehustle,thebustle and

theongoingconfusionoflife.

IknewitwasterrificasI haveplayed

thereseveraltimesbefore,but

anticipationoftenbeatsparticipation

• mywifewilltestifytothis–andsoit
  provedwhenI reachedthehalfway
  point.I wasabucketfulofpointsbehind
  mymuchyoungercompanionsandthey
  hadinevitablydescendedintowhat
  theythoughtwaskindencouragement
  butwhichstruckmeaspatronising.You
  knowwhatI mean,it’sthecul-de-sacof
  emotioncalled“ahbless”,usuallymeant
  wellbutstillcarryingtheunderlying
  messagewhenappliedtoanolder
  blokethatwhattheyarereallythinking
  is“isn’tthedodderingoldfooldoing well
  to be still walking fairly upright”.

Tobefair,thisperceivedslightproved

justthecatalystI needed.Thatandthe

extraordinarybehaviourofamarshalon

the10thtee,whosuggestedweneeded

tospeedupourplay.Aswewereonthe

teeandthegroupbehindwasjust

appearingonthehorizonwhiletheones

infrontwereonthegreen,thisseemed

ratherdaftandI toldhimso.Still,bless

him,hewasevenolderthanmeso

maybehecouldn’tseethatfar.Yes,I can

bepatronisingmyselfonoccasion.

Anyway,alltheaforementioned

servedtosnapmeoutofmywalking

coma.Toputitsimply,I pulledmyself

together,girdedmyloinsandwhacked

easilymybestdriveoftheday,followed

byanexcellentsecondshotandtwo

puttsforaconsolingandencouraging

paronthecourse’sstrokeonehole.

Isn’titastonishingwhatacoupleof

propershotsdoestoyourconfidence

andinnerSeve?I parredthenexttwo

andsuddenlyI wasoffandthoughnot

yetrunning,walkingbrisklyandwith

purpose to shot after shot after shot.

Insteadofover-thinkingwhatI was

tryingtodo,ratherthanhearingmy

coach’swisewordsinmyhead,I justdid

whathehadbeentryingtogetmetodo.

Asever,carefree,instinctive,trust-

yourselfgolfworked.Itfeltgood.I felt

younger.Youdon’thavetoplayyour

best golf to enjoythegamebut,crikey, it

doeshelp.

Andso–waitforit

attheback–afterthat

frustratinglyawful

frontnineI cameback

with 23 pointsand,

yes,itcould,should,

havebeenmorewith

justalittlemoreluck

ongreenssopure

theyalmostoffereda

religiousexperience.

Ifthereisalessonto

belearnedfromthis

topsy-turvyrounditisthis:nevergiveup,

nevergivein,justrelaxandtrytoexpress

yourselftothebestofyourability.Of

course,whetherI canplugintothis

mantranexttimeoutremainstobeseen.

Idon’twishtoover-eggmysudden

transformationbut,hell,whynot.Itwas

thebestsustainedburstofgolfI’ve

enjoyedforafewyearsandifyoufeelI

amratherboastingaboutit,thenyou’re

damnright.Theoldgamekicksusall

hardsomewheresoftoftenenough,soa

manshouldcelebratewhenhemanages

tograbitbythescruffofitsneckand

forceitintosomekindofsubmission.

I knowitwillgetmebacksooner

ratherthanlaterbutI nowknowalso

thattuckedawaysomewheredeepis

myinnergolfer,theonewhousedto

comeoutandplayquiteoften.I feared

thatthisplayerhadscarperedbuthe

hasn’t.Hewasjustrestingforafew

years,probablygigglingwhilehedidso.

Nowhe’sbackI’mdeterminedto

keephimaliveandwellandpaying

attention. Wish me luck.

GolfMonthly’seditor-at-largeandGolfAmbassadorforProstateCancerUK

BILL

ELLIOTT

“The old game

kicks us all hard

somewhere soft

often enough”

Illustration:

Peter Strain