Woman’s Weekly UK – 23 July 2019

PHOTO:

NETFLIX

emergea lovelygoldencolour.

‘Donotgetit wet before then,’

sheadded.

I lookedin themirror– notbad.

Lumpsand bumpsdefinitelydo look

betterwitha bitof colouronthem!

I packedmycaseandstartedto get

excitedaboutthetrip.Justbeforebed,

thedoglikesa walkto dowhatdogs

do.SoI poppedonmycoatandoff

wewent.I wasonlyonestreetfrom

homewhentheheavensopened.

‘Shetoldmenotto getit wet’is

allI couldthinkas I ranlikea mad

woman,tryingto coverupskinthat

wasstreakinglikea freshlycreosoted

shedthathadbeenjetwashed.

I finallymadeit back to the house.

Bythen,stainswererunningdown

my legs onto the floor.I reasonedthat

perhapsI shouldstillleavewhathad

notwashedoffin placeandwentto

bedprayingforthebest. My prayers

werenotanswered.

I arrivedin Marbellalookinglikea

meltedchocice,makinganentrance

thatwasnoticedforallthewrong

reasons.Theonlythingto dowasdrink

enoughwhitewineto sinka ship.

It tookthreedaysof chlorine-

soakedswimsbeforeI wasbackto

mynormalcorpsecolour– of which

I’mnowincrediblyfond.

✿TheThunderGirlsbyMelanie

Blake(£7.99,PB, Pan Macmillan)

is out now.

NEXT

WEEK

Dillie Keane

WhereI’vebeen...Tothevet’s,wheremy11-year-oldpoodlewas

keptinformonitoring.He’snowbackhomecausinghavocasusual.

WhoI’vemet...Iwenttoa newhairdresserwhotoldmeI should

gobacktomynaturalmousybrown. I left and went straight back to

myusualbleach-happycrimper!

WhatI’vebought...TwoswimsuitsfromBiba.Neither

quitefitbutI ranoutoftime,soI’lljusthavetobreathe in.

WhatI’veseen...Ibinge-watched theNetflix

seriesYouand loved it.

‘My funny old week’

This week’s columnist:

Author and music manager

Melanie Blake

T

hephonegoesonMonday

morning.It’smyfriend,

Daniella.‘Youknowthat

holidayI wasgoingonwith

Kevinto Spainthisweekend?We’ve

splitupnowandI don’twant to go

alone,sowillyoucome?’

A freesunshineholidaywith

anoldfriend– what’snotto love?

Well,whenyou’reknownto palsas

CountessDraculabecauseyou’reso

ghostlywhite,quitea lot.ButI didn’t

wantto letherdown,soI saidyes.

Thenrealitysetin – I wasgoing to

needa spraytanandfast!

A lovelyladyagreedto visitmy

houseto dosaidvarnishing.She

preferredto doit at leasta fewdays

beforeanimportanteventjustin case

anythingwentwrong,buttherewas

no time – I was flyingthe next day.

Shearrivedandsetupa sortof

iglooin mykitchen.Thedogkept

tryingto jumpin.‘It’sa goodjobhe’s

gotblackfur,’I thought,as themist

descendedonmynakedbody.

Ohyes,didI mentionthat?I had

to getnaked– witha stranger!

‘It’sbestfornotanlines,’shesaid.

‘Yes,butI’mwearinga one-piece,’

I protested,to noavail.

Sheproceededto sprayme

fromfrontto back,sideto side

andeverythingin-betweenand

underneath!I wasmeantto letit dry

for 24 hours, then have a shower and

‘I arrived in Marbella looking like

a melted choc ice’

It’s A Funny

Old World

COLUMN

Compelling

thriller,You

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