Woman’s Weekly UK – 23 July 2019

ROSEMARY

H

onestly– men,’saidMrs

Beasley,pouringanother

roundofcoffees.‘I askyou.’

‘Yes– men,’saidMaureen,

helpingherselfto anothersliceof

Battenburgcake,forif therewasever

a timeforcomfort eating, this was it.

‘Men– pah!’

‘I’veneverreallytrustedthem,’

saidWendy,whowasgazingat the

Battenburgcakeasif it werea dinner

invitationfromGeorgeClooney.

Unfortunately,she’scurrentlyona strict,

no-cakediet(notto mention,bythe

soundof it, a strictno-Clooneydiet).

If youarea manwhohasarrived

herein searchof cheeranda bit

of a chuckle,well,I canonly

apologise.It is nothingpersonal.

AsaWoman’sWeeklyreader,youare

• exofficio– charming,intelligent,
  anddelightfulcompany.It would
  neveroccurto youto makeupto
  threewomanat onetime(whichis
  thecentralcomplaintof MrsB and
  Maureen,who,unknowingly,formed
  twosidesof a recentlovequadrilateral),
  orto wearloudredtrousersin a very
  embarrassingfashion(whichis just
  oneof Wendy’smany complaints
  aboutMrWendy).
  ‘I knowwhyyoumightfeelthatway
  at themoment,’I said,‘but come on


• they’renotallbad.’
  ‘Ohyestheyare,’saidMaureen.
  ‘Mmm,thisBattenburgis sogood.
  Wouldanybodythinkme greedy if
  I hada thirdslice?’
  ‘Yes,’saidWendy.‘I would.’
  ‘I thoughtyoumight,’saidMaureen,
  ‘butI’mgoingto haveit anyway.’
  You’reprobablywonderingwhywe
  arealldrinkingcoffeeandguzzling
  cakein thecharityshopwhenthere
  shouldbecustomersto serveand
  secondhanditemsto sell.It’sbecause
  it is Sundaymorning,andwe’vebeen
  havinga latespring-clean.Bookshelves
  arebeingwashed,changingroomsare
  being scrubbed, and window displays

arebeingfreshenedup.Fora moment,

though,wehavesetasideourrubber

glovesandarehavinga bitof a rest.

‘Aremenreallythatbad?’saidClare.

‘I wasratherlookingforwardto getting

marrieduntilabout a quarter of an

hourago.’

‘Oh,’I said. ‘Ben will be fine.’

‘Ohyes,’saidMrsBeasleyin a

reassuringtone. ‘There’s nothing wrong

withBen.’

Thisis justaswellbecauseBenhas

beenspring-cleaningalongwiththerest

of us,butwassentto thesupermarket

in searchof morecleaningproducts

andothervitaltoolsof thetrade.He’s

a youngman,yousee,whocanbe

trustedwithsuchdelicatework.If Clare

everrequiresdomesticcleaningitems

in future,she’llknowwhereto turn.

‘I thinkyou’reallbeinga bitharsh,’

I said.‘Justbecauseonehorrible,shifty

man has led you both up the garden

path,youcan’tsaythatallmen are

thesame.’

‘Hedidn’tjustleadusupthegarden

path,’saidMaureen.‘Hevirtuallyhad

usdoingtheweedingwhilehesat

in a deckchairandreadthepaper.’

Therewasa shortsilence after

thispronouncement.

‘Whatdoesthatmean?’saidClare.

‘Well,’saidMaureen.‘It means...that

whateverhedidto uswasmuchworse

thanleadingusupthegardenpath’.

‘Like,heforced you to do weeding?’

saidClare.

‘I don’tthinkthisis helping,’I said.

‘Doyouthinkmensitaround

drinkingtea,complainingaboutus?’

saidClare.‘Bensayshisfriends don’t,

butperhapsoldermendo.’

‘Inmyexperience,oldermen

don’tcomplainaboutwomen– it’s

thetraining,yousee.Insteadthey

complainaboutEnglandcricketersand

theirfootballteam,andtheytalkabout

carsandthebestwayto avoid the

roadworksonthebypass.’

Silencefellaswesippedourcoffees,

andsuddenlyI sawusaswemusthave

lookedfromtheoutside– lookinglike

thewomenfromLastof theSummer

Winewhentheygatherin ThoraHird’s

sittingroomandcomplainabout

theirmenfolk,oftenraisingtheircups

to theirlipsin unison.Eventually,it

seems,weallturnintoNoraBatty.

WhenBenreturnedfromthe

supermarket,werolledupoursleeves,

slippedonour rubber gloves and went

intoaction.

‘Whatareyoudoingthisevening?’

I askedMaureen,aswe dusted the

stockroomshelves.

‘Well,’shesaidin conspiratorial

tones.‘I’vemetthisrathernice-looking

chapona datingwebsite.We’vebeen

swappingquiteflirty messages, and

tonightI mightsee

if we’rereadyto

meetfora drink.’

Women, eh?

WOMAN’SWEEKLY®isa registeredtrademarkofTIMediaLimited,andissoldsubjecttothefollowingconditions,namelythatit shallnot,withoutthewrittenconsentofthepublishersfirstgiven,belent,

resold,hiredout,orotherwisedisposedofbywayoftradeatmorethantherecommendedsellingpriceshownonthecover,andthatit shallnotbelent,resoldorhiredorotherwisedisposed of in a mutilated

condition or in any unauthorised cover by way of trade or affixed to or as part of any publication or advertising, literary or pictorial matter whatsoever. © TI Media Limited, 2019

‘If you’re a man in

search of cheer,

I can only apologise’

Summer whine

Suddenly we’ve all turned into Nora Batty, it seems