Psychology2016

Theories of Personality 519

by others and how the sense of self is reflected in the words and actions of
important people in one’s life, such as parents, siblings, coworkers, friends,
and teachers.

REAL AND IDEAL SELF Two important components of the self-concept
are the real self (one’s actual perception of characteristics, traits, and
abilities that form the basis of the striving for self-actualization) and the
ideal self (the perception of what one should be or would like to be). The
ideal self primarily comes from important, significant others in a per-
son’s life, especially our parents when we are children. Rogers believed
that when the real self and the ideal self are very close or similar to each
other, people feel competent and capable, but when there is a mismatch
between the real self and ideal self, anxiety and neurotic behavior can be
the result. (See Figure 13. 3 .)
The two halves of the self are more likely to match if they aren’t
that far apart at the start. When a person has a realistic view of the real
self, and the ideal self is something that is actually attainable, there usu-
ally isn’t a problem of a mismatch. It is when a person’s view of self is
distorted or the ideal self is impossible to attain that problems arise. Once
again, how the important people (who can be either good or bad influ-
ences) in a person’s life react to the person can greatly impact the degree
of agreement, or congruence, between real and ideal selves. However, as
an individual develops, they look less to others for approval and disap-
proval and more within themselves to decide if they are living in a way
that is satisfying to them (Rogers, 1951, 1961).

CONDITIONAL AND UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD Rogers
defined positive regard as warmth, affection, love, and respect that
come from the significant others (parents, admired adults, friends, and
teachers) in people’s experience. Positive regard is vital to people’s abil-
ity to cope with stress and to strive to achieve self-actualization. Rogers believed that
unconditional positive regard, or love, affection, and respect with no strings attached,
is necessary for people to be able to explore fully all that they can achieve and become.
Unfortunately, some parents, spouses, and friends give conditional positive regard,
which is love, affection, respect, and warmth that depend, or seem to depend, on doing
what those people want.
Here is an example: As a freshman, Sasha was thinking about becoming a math
teacher, a computer programmer, or an elementary school teacher. Karen, also a
freshman, already knew that she was going to be a doctor. Whereas Sasha’s parents
had told her that what she wanted to become was up to her and that they would
love her no matter what, Karen’s parents had made it very clear to her as a small
child that they expected her to become a doctor. She was under the very strong
impression that if she tried to choose any other career, she would lose her parents’
love and respect. Sasha’s parents were giving her unconditional positive regard, but
Karen’s parents (whether they intended to do so or not) were giving her conditional
positive regard. Karen was obviously not as free as Sasha to explore her potential
and abilities.
For Rogers, a person who is in the process of self-actualizing, actively exploring
potentials and abilities and experiencing a match between the real self and ideal self, is a
fully functioning person. Fully functioning people are in touch with their own feelings
and abilities and are able to trust their innermost urges and intuitions (Rogers, 1961).
To become fully functioning, a person needs unconditional positive regard. In Rogers’s
view, Karen would not have been a fully functioning person.

self

an individual’s awareness of his or her

own personal characteristics and level

of functioning.

positive regard

warmth, affection, love, and respect

that come from significant others in

one’s life.

unconditional positive regard

referring to the warmth, respect,

and accepting atmosphere created

by the therapist for the client in

person- centered therapy; positive

regard that is given without conditions

or strings attached.

conditional positive regard

positive regard that is given only when

the person is doing what the providers

of positive regard wish.

fully functioning person

a person who is in touch with and

trusting of the deepest, innermost

urges, and feelings.

Figure 13.3 Real and Ideal Selves

According to Rogers, the self-concept includes the real self and the

ideal self. The real self is a person’s actual perception of traits and

abilities, whereas the ideal self is the perception of what a person

would like to be or thinks he or she should be. When the ideal self

and the real self are very similar (matching), the person experiences

harmony and contentment. When there is a mismatch between the

two selves, the person experiences anxiety and may engage in neu-

rotic behavior.

Ideal

self

Congruence = Match = Harmony

Real

self

Real

self

Ideal

self

Incongruence = Mismatch = Anxiety