the life lab
Martha said our fi rst session had a big impact on
her and she wanted to repeat the exercise but, this
time, she wanted to see what it was like to be Martha who had
not graduated. I had concerns, but trusted Martha to know
what she needed to do. ‘I want to examine what will happen
if I don’t succeed. I was motivated towards the Martha who
stayed focused, but I also need to be motivated away from
the Martha who stopped working on herself.’
‘I know exactly what you mean,’ I reassured her. ‘Sometimes,
the strongest motivator is knowing what we want – and another
way of motivating ourselves is knowing what we don’t want!’
Martha went through the exercise again but, in this scenario,
future Martha had not graduated and had moved back in with
her parents. We didn’t get much further than that. ‘I’ve seen
enough!’ cried Martha emphatically.
Martha wanted to use the rest of the session to draw the two
versions of herself in her notebook and write down all the
things each might say, do, think and feel. ‘I am going to check in
with myself every day and ask myself which Martha I am being
and whether she is taking me closer or further away from my
goals,’ she said with conviction.See two potential futures
Take manageable steps
*NAME HAS BEEN CHANGEDMartha had learned that keeping
busy, exercising and focusing on
others reduced negative thoughts“
“
To my amazement and delight, Martha announced
that she had returned to university – far sooner
than expected. She was doing a fi ne art course and had turned
her sketches of the two Marthas into paintings, which she had
put on her wall. ‘I ask myself constantly: “What would focused
Martha do?” and then I do it.’
Martha told me she had started volunteering for an
environmental charity, which gives her meaning, purpose and
a new perspective on her situation. She was deliberately staying
away from people in her life who eroded her confi dence and she
was making new friends with those who had similar values.
Martha was full of excitement. ‘I have signed up to become
a mentor to fi rst-year students because I want to help people
avoid going through the stress I have experienced.’
She grinned. ‘I might even use the “two versions of Martha”
exercise with the people I am mentoring!’
For more from Kim, see barefootcoaching.co.uk; @BarefootCoachesSession
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Coaching exercises
10 ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS TO EXPLORE
WHEN YOU ARE FEELING STUCK
Identify what you want to move forward and write it
down at the top of a page. Now answer these questions:
● What do you hope to achieve? What long-term result
will it yield and when would you like that to be?
● When you achieve your goal, or resolve this issue,
what benefi ts will it bring?
● What have you done about it before? Why has it not
been achieved or resolved so far?
● What support and resources are you going to need
and where could you fi nd them?
● What would you tell someone else to do in this situation?
List the actions you could take to resolve your
predicament or achieve your aim – no holds barred.
● Which of those options are you going to take?
● What’s the first step you can take and when will you take it?
● What could get in the way and how will you overcome it?
● What will happen if you achieve your desired outcome?
What will happen if you don’t?
● Now, on a scale of 1-10, how committed are you?Understand your behaviour
Think of something you do well. It could be something
you haven’t acknowledged because it comes naturally
to you: talking to people, selling, managing money, staying
on top of your health and fi tness or being assertive. The
thinking behind this exercise is that doing something well
doesn’t just happen. There is often an internal programme
running in the background consisting of thoughts, feelings
and behaviour that contribute to the outcome. Imagine
you had to explain how you do this to someone who didn’t
know how to do it. Answer the following questions:
● What goes through your mind before you do it?
● What do you say to yourself?
● What do you feel?
● Where is that feeling?
● What thoughts do you have about the situation?
● Do you have any pictures or images in your mind?
● What keeps you motivated to do it?
● Why is it important to you?
● What happens in your body and your posture when
you do it?
You can also do this exercise for something you would
like to do better. When you can see how your thoughts,
feelings and behaviour contribute to a negative outcome,
you can begin to change them for a di erent result.Session
two