52 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINEJANUARY 2020self
P SYC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N EJ A N U A R Y 2 0 2 0self
Love-ready with a
pre-dating MOT
After years of singledom, Harriet Minter felt it was time to
meet a man – so she signed up for a course that promised
to clear away her baggage and make room for romanceWeek
oneTell me what you want
If you’ve ever had any therapy
or coaching, you’ll know that
talking about your childhood is unavoidable,
and The Groundwork is no di erent. Week
one has me thinking about the situation
I grew up in and what my six-year-old self
would have thought about the world. We’re
encouraged to draw a picture of our ideal
life at that age. Mine includes a huge pile
of books, a house with roses around the front
door and a pony. I’m struck that people and
family don’t feature much in my picture- it suggests someone who likes her own
space, which is as true now as it was then.
‘Maybe I don’t really want a relationship at
all,’ I think. ‘Maybe I should just buy a horse
for company instead...’ My inner six-year-old
very much agrees with this idea.
For homework, we’re asked to break out
of our routine. To get started, we have to fi nd
three habitual things we can do di erently
during the week. I’m surprised at how
resistant to this I am! I take my dog on an
unfamiliar route for our morning walk; she
loves it but I panic that it’s going to take too
long and I’ll be late starting my day. Later in
the week, I fi nd a new co ee shop to work
in and I make an e ort to attend a party
M
y friend just celebrated
her 10th wedding
anniversary. She got
cards, gifts and many
congratulations. I’m also coming up
for a 10-year anniversary – 10 years
of being single. Like all vaguely
emotionally literate women, I’ve tried
to understand why my friends fall into
relationships at the drop of a hat, while
I’m planning yet another solo holiday.
Now, I dare to admit something happily
single women are not supposed to say:
I want a boyfriend. And it’s time to do
the groundwork – literally.
The Groundwork is an online
programme designed by relationship
coaches Christina Macnamara and
Gavin Bloom. It aims to get you ready for
a relationship by clearing any patterns
or limiting beliefs from your past and
getting honest about what you want. The
programme lasts six weeks which, for a
commitment-phobe like me, is just about
manageable. Let’s do this. >>>