So when you and I begin feeling pressure and tension and
splintering and conflict at home, when little trifling things start
bunching together to become this one big thing—when the
nitpicking turns into bickering; the bickering into outbursts;
the outbursts into rude, below-the-belt unkindness and
bitterness; the bitterness into slow, seething pullbacks of
silence and isolation—is it just your husband being terrible?
Acting awful? Is it just you being overly sensitive, slow to
relinquish a foothold of cherished, hard-fought ground? Is it
just your child pulling away into isolation or overt rebellion? Is
it just all of you going to your own rooms—disconnected,
disjointed, fragmented?
No, it bears all the marks of an outside enemy—one who
hangs around your family but isn’t part of your family. He’s the
one who wants your marriage to suffer. He’s the one who wants
your home to be a dueling battleground. He’s the one who’s
most invested in sending each of you out the door every day
vulnerable and susceptible to temptation, needy for the
unconditional love and acceptance you’re supposed to be
giving and receiving from each other.
But is he the one on the receiving end of your frustration?
Is he the one you’re splattering with juicy comebacks, spoken