My mother stepped inside and quickly shut it, locking it behind her. I’ll
never forget what she looked like. She had blood coming down from her lip. Her
eye was already starting to swell, and she had a clump of hair just resting on
her shoulder. She looked at Atlas and then me.
I didn’t even take a moment to feel scared that she caught me in my room
with a boy. I didn’t care about that. I was just worried about her. I walked over
to her and grabbed her hands and walked her to my bed. I brushed the hair off
her shoulder and then from her forehead.
“He’s gonna go call the police, Mom. Okay?”
Her eyes grew real wide and she started shaking her head. “No,” she said.
She looked over at Atlas and said, “You can’t. No.”
He was already at the window about to leave, so he stopped and looked at
me.
“He’s drunk, Lily,” she said. “He heard your door shut, so he went to our
bedroom. He stopped. If you call the police, it’ll just make it worse, believe me.
Just let him sleep it off, it’ll be better tomorrow.”
I shook my head and could feel the tears stinging my eyes. “Mom, he was
trying to rape you!”
She ducked her head and winced when I said that. She shook her head
again and said, “It’s not like that, Lily. We’re married, and sometimes
marriage is just . . . you’re too young to understand it.”
It got really quiet for a minute, and then I said. “I hope to hell I never do.”
That’s when she started to cry. She just held her head in her hands and she
started to sob and all I could do was wrap my arms around her and cry with
her. I’d never seen her this upset. Or this hurt. Or this scared. It broke my
heart, Ellen.
It broke me.
When she was finished crying, I looked around the room and Atlas had left.
We went to the kitchen and I helped her clean up her lip and her eye. She never
did say anything about him being there. Not one thing. I waited for her to tell
me I was grounded, but she never did. I realized that maybe she didn’t
acknowledge it because that’s what she does. Things that hurt her just get swept
under the rug, never to be brought up again.
—Lily
Dear Ellen,
I think I’m ready to talk about Boston now.