15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

courtyard with a group of your friends. I watched you for a long time,
trying to work up the courage to walk over to you. You were laughing.
You looked happy. You were vibrant like I’d never seen you before. I
had never felt that kind of happiness for another person like I felt
when I saw you that day. Just knowing you were okay.. .”
He pauses for a moment. My hands are clenched around my
stomach, because it hurts. It hurts knowing I was so close to him and I
didn’t even know.
“I began walking toward you when someone came up behind you.
A guy. He dropped to his knees next to you and when you saw him,
you smiled and threw your arms around him. Then you kissed him.”
I close my eyes. He was just a boy I dated for six months. He never even
made me feel a fraction of what I had felt for Atlas.
He blows out a sharp breath. “I left after that. When I saw that you
were happy, it was the worst and best feeling a person could ever have
at once. But I believed at that point that my life was still not good
enough for you. I had nothing to offer you but love, and to me, you
deserved more than that. The next day I signed up for another tour
in the Marines. And now.. .” He tosses his hand up lazily in the air,
like nothing about his life is impressive.
I bury my head in my hands to take a moment. I quietly grieve what
could have been. What is. What wasn’t. My fingers move to the tattoo
on my shoulder. I begin to wonder if I’ll ever be able to fill in that
hole now.
It makes me wonder if Atlas ever feels like I felt when I got this
tattoo. Like all the air is being let out of his heart.
I still don’t understand why he lied to me after running into me at
his restaurant. If he really felt the things I felt for him, why would he
make something like that up?
“Why did you lie about having a girlfriend?”
He rubs a hand over his face and I can already see the regret
before I even hear it in his voice. “I said that because... you looked
happy that night. When I saw you telling him goodbye, it hurt like
hell, but at the same time I was relieved that you seemed to be in a
really good place. I didn’t want you to worry about me. And I don’t
know... maybe I was a little jealous. I don’t know, Lily. I regretted
lying to you as soon as I did it.”