15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

I wipe the napkin beneath my eye, soaking up more tears.
“Sometimes... when I’m really missing him... I tell myself that
maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I could put up with him when he’s at
his worst just so I can have him when he’s at his best.”
She puts her hand on top of mine and rubs her thumb back and
forth. “I know exactly what you mean, Lily. But the last thing you want
to do is lose sight of your limit. Please don’t allow that to happen.”
I have no idea what she means by that. She sees the confusion in
my expression, so she squeezes my arm and explains in more detail.
“We all have a limit. What we’re willing to put up with before we
break. When I married your father, I knew exactly what my limit was.
But slowly... with every incident... my limit was pushed a little
more. And a little more. The first time your father hit me, he was
immediately sorry. He swore it would never happen again. The second
time he hit me, he was even more sorry. The third time it happened, it
was more than a hit. It was a beating. And every single time, I took
him back. But the fourth time, it was only a slap. And when that
happened, I felt relieved. I remember thinking, ‘At least he didn’t beat
me this time. This wasn’t so bad.’ ”
She brings the napkin up to her eyes and says, “Every incident
chips away at your limit. Every time you choose to stay, it makes the
next time that much harder to leave. Eventually, you lose sight of your
limit altogether, because you start to think, ‘I’ve lasted five years now.
What’s five more?’ ”
She grabs my hands and holds them while I cry. “Don’t be like me,
Lily. I know that you believe he loves you, and I’m sure he does. But
he’s not loving you the right way. He doesn’t love you the way you
deserve to be loved. If Ryle truly loves you, he wouldn’t allow you to
take him back. He would make the decision to leave you himself so
that he knows for a fact he can never hurt you again. That’s the kind
of love a woman deserves, Lily.”
I wish with all my heart that she didn’t learn these things from
experience. I pull her to me and hug her.
For whatever reason, I thought I would have to defend myself to
her when I came over here. Not once did I think I would come over
here and learn from her. I should know better. I thought my mother