15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

“I’m driving. I’ll call her when we get to the hospital. And your
mom.”
I nod. I’m sure I could call them right now, but I kind of just want
to make sure we make it to the hospital first, because it feels like this
baby is being really impatient and wants to make its debut right here
in the car.
We make it to the hospital, but my contractions are less than a
minute apart when we arrive. By the time the doctor scrubs in and
they get me to a bed, I’m dilated to a nine. It’s only five minutes later
when I’m being told to push. Ryle doesn’t even have a chance to call
anyone, it all happens so fast.
I squeeze Ryle’s hand with every push. At one point, I think about
how important the hand I’m squeezing is to his career, but he says
nothing. He just allows me to squeeze it as hard as I possibly can, and
that’s exactly what I do.
“The head is almost out,” the doctor says. “Just a few more pushes.”
I can’t even describe the next few minutes. It’s a blur of pain and
heavy breathing and anxiety and pure, unequivocal elation. And
pressure. Such an enormous pressure, like I’m about to implode, and
then, “It’s a girl!” Ryle says. “Lily, we have a daughter!”
I open my eyes and the doctor is holding her up. I can only make
out the outline of her, because my eyes are full of too many tears.
When they lay her on my chest, it’s the absolute greatest moment of
my life. I immediately touch her red lips and cheeks and fingers. Ryle
cuts the umbilical cord, and when they take her from me to clean her
up, I feel empty.
A few minutes later she’s back on my chest again, swaddled in a
blanket.
I can do nothing but stare at her.
Ryle sits on the bed next to me and pulls the blanket down around
her chin so we can get a better look at her face. We count her fingers
and her toes. She tries to open her eyes and we think it’s the funniest
thing in the world. She yawns and we both smile and fall even more in
love with her.
After the last nurse leaves the room and we’re finally alone, Ryle
asks if he can hold her. He raises the head of my bed to make it easier