15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

relationship with him because she took the necessary steps to break
the pattern before it broke us. And it wasn’t easy. She left him right
before I turned three and my older sister turned five. We lived off
beans and macaroni and cheese for two solid years. She was a single
mother without a college education, raising two daughters on her
own with virtually no help. But her love for us gave her the strength
she needed to take that terrifying step.
By no means do I intend for Ryle and Lily’s situation to define
domestic abuse. Nor do I intend for Ryle’s character to define the
characteristics of most abusers. Every situation is different. Every
outcome is different. I chose to fashion Lily and Ryle’s story after my
mother and father’s. I fashioned Ryle after my father in many ways.
They are handsome, compassionate, funny, and smart—but with
moments of unforgivable behavior.
I fashioned Lily after my mother in many ways. They are both
caring, intelligent, strong women who simply fell in love with men
who didn’t deserve to fall in love at all.
Two years after divorcing my father, my mother met my stepfather.
He was the epitome of a good husband. The memories I have of them
growing up set the bar for the type of marriage I wanted for myself.
When I finally did reach the point of marriage, the hardest thing I
ever had to do was tell my biological father that he wouldn’t be
walking me down the aisle—that I was going to ask my stepfather.
I felt I had to do this for many reasons. My stepfather stepped up as
a husband in ways my father never did. My stepfather stepped up
financially in ways my father never did. And my stepfather raised us as
if we were his own, while never once denying us a relationship with
my biological father.
I remember sitting down in my father’s living room a month before
my wedding. I told him I loved him, but that I was going to be asking
my stepfather to walk me down the aisle. I was prepared for his
response with every rebuttal I could think of. But the response he
gave me was nothing I expected.
He nodded his head and said, “Colleen, he raised you. He deserves
to give you away at your wedding. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about
it, because it’s the right thing to do.”