I swear, sometimes I get so mad at her for staying with him. I know I’m only
fifteen and probably don’t understand all the reasons she chooses to stay, but I
refuse to let her use me as her excuse. I don’t care if she’s too poor to leave him
and we’d have to move into a crappy apartment and eat ramen noodles until I
graduate. That would be better than this.
I can hear him yelling at her right now. Sometimes when he gets like this, I
walk into the living room, hoping it’ll calm him down. He doesn’t like to hit
her when I’m in the room. Maybe I should go try that.
—Lily
Dear Ellen,
If I had access to a gun or knife right now, I’d kill him.
As soon as I walked into the living room, I saw him push her down. They
were standing in the kitchen and she’d grabbed his arm, trying to calm him
down, and he backhanded her and knocked her straight to the floor. I’m pretty
sure he was about to kick her, but he saw me walk into the living room and he
stopped. He muttered something under his breath to her and then walked to
their bedroom and slammed the door.
I rushed to the kitchen and tried to help her, but she never wants me to see
her like this. She waved me away and said, “I’m fine, Lily. I’m fine, we just got
into a stupid fight.”
She was crying and I could already see the redness on her cheek from where
he hit her. When I walked closer to her, wanting to make sure she was okay, she
turned her back to me and gripped the counter. “I said I’m fine, Lily. Go back
to your room.”
I ran back down the hallway, but I didn’t go back to my room. I ran
straight out the back door and across the backyard. I was so mad at her for
being short with me. I didn’t even want to be in the same house as either of
them, and even thought it was dark already, I went over to the house Atlas was
staying in and I knocked on the door.
I could hear him moving inside, like he accidentally knocked something
over. “It’s me. Lily,” I whispered. A few seconds later the back door opened and
he looked behind me, then to the left and right of me. It wasn’t until he looked
at my face that he saw I was crying.
“You okay?” he asked, stepping outside. I used my shirt to wipe away my
tears, and noticed he came outside instead of inviting me in. I sat down on the
porch step and he sat down next to me.