The Sociology Book

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choice and personal inclination.
In spite of these difficult changes,
the lure of the romantic narrative
remains strong. In an uncertain
society, “stripped of its traditions
and scarred by all kinds of risk,” as
Beck and Beck-Gernsheim put it,
love “will become more important
than ever and equally impossible.”
Individuals now have a greater
desire for emotionally fulfilling
relationships, which has fueled
industries such as couples’ therapy
and self-help publishing. But the
ties that bind are fragile and people
tend to move on if perfection is not
achieved. As the couple say, even
when individuals do fall in love
(“when love finally wins”), there are
often more battles ahead—division,
resentment, and divorce, for example.
Beck and Beck-Gernsheim
suggest that nurturing personal
relationships and attending to the
demands of a rapidly changing
economic world require a delicate
balancing act; as a consequence,
there is a rise in divorce. Yet so
strong is the hope of happiness
that many divorcees marry again.

The importance of children
While Beck and Beck-Gernsheim
argue that we have come too far to
return to old ways, and neither men

nor women would wish to, the

pressures of an individualized

life mean that it can be tinged

with nostalgia and a longing for

certainties that perhaps never

existed—those “family values” that

governments often hark back to.

The more fragile our relationships

are, the more we hanker after love.

One way in which this yearning

for the past exerts itself is through

the increased significance placed

upon children in contemporary

society. While love between adults

might be viewed as temporary

and vulnerable, love for children

becomes more important, with

both parents investing emotionally

in their children, who are seen

as providing unconditional love.

In this respect, Beck and Beck-

Gernsheim suggest that men may

be challenging women for the role

of emotional caretakers in the

family. This can be seen in the

increased numbers of fathers who

seek custody of their children post-

divorce and the rise of groups

advocating equal parenting rights

for fathers, such as Fathers4Justice.

The feminist academic Diana

Leonard supports this view, saying

that parents are “spoiling” their

children with gifts to keep them

close to them. Connection with

FAMILIES AND INTIMACIES

the child in this context becomes

ego-driven and intense, providing

a feeling of permanence not found

in the chaos of adult relationships.

Inevitably, criticisms have

been leveled at Beck and Beck-

Gernsheim’s arguments. Several

theorists, including Swedish

scholars Diana Mulinari and

Kerstin Sandell, have objected to

the implication that women are

responsible for the increased

divorce rates. Nevertheless, The

Normal Chaos of Love transformed

academic work on the family—from

being seen as an institution that

responds to social change, it was

acknowledged as one that actually

contributes to change. ■

Marriage and divorce rates
in the Western world during
the past 50 years have altered
significantly. Changes in the
law and society have seen
marriage decline and divorce
increase. Although the pattern
seems to have stabilized, the
family unit is now more fragile.

• Divorce not permitted in Spain until

1981. Earliest data is from 1990.

Marriage

1960: 2012:

Divorce

Marriage

Divorce

The child... promises a tie...

more... profound and durable

than any other in... society.

Ulrich Beck & Elisabeth

Beck-Gernsheim

FIGURES PER ’000 ADULTS

10

5

9

4

8

3

7

2

6

1

0

GERMANY UK US SPAIN* FRANCE NORWAY