I

October 18th

FRENEMIES

“There’s nothing worse than a wolf befriending sheep. Avoid false

friendship at all costs. If you are good, straightforward, and well

meaning it should show in your eyes and not escape notice.”

—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 11.15

t’s pretty obvious that one should keep away from the wicked and two-
faced as much as possible—the jealous friend, the narcissistic parent, the
untrustworthy partner. At first glance, Marcus Aurelius is reminding us to
avoid false friends.
But what if we turn it around? What if, instead, we ask about the times
that we have been false to our friends? Ultimately that’s what Stoicism is
about—not judging other people’s behavior, but judging our own.
We’ve all been a frenemy at one point or another. We’ve been nice to
their face—usually because there was something in it for us—but later, in
different company, we said how we really felt. Or we’ve strung someone
along, cared only when things were going well, or declined to help even
though someone really needed us.
This behavior is beneath us—and worth remembering the next time we
accuse someone else of being a bad friend.