T

February 8th

DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?

“You cry, I’m suffering severe pain! Are you then relieved from

feeling it, if you bear it in an unmanly way?”

—SENECA, MORAL LETTERS, 78.17

he next time someone gets upset near you—crying, yelling, breaking
something, being pointed or cruel—watch how quickly this statement
will stop them cold: “I hope this is making you feel better.” Because, of
course, it isn’t. Only in the bubble of extreme emotion can we justify any of
that kind of behavior—and when called to account for it, we usually feel
sheepish or embarrassed.
It’s worth applying that standard to yourself. The next time you find
yourself in the middle of a freakout, or moaning and groaning with flulike
symptoms, or crying tears of regret, just ask: Is this actually making me feel
better? Is this actually relieving any of the symptoms I wish were gone?