will produce anxiety, depression and resentment. That will produce the
turning from life that is equivalent to the wish for unconsciousness.
Parents who refuse to adopt the responsibility for disciplining their
children think they can just opt out of the conflict necessary for proper child-
rearing. They avoid being the bad guy (in the short term). But they do not at
all rescue or protect their children from fear and pain. Quite the contrary: the
judgmental and uncaring broader social world will mete out conflict and
punishment far greater than that which would have been delivered by an
awake parent. You can discipline your children, or you can turn that
responsibility over to the harsh, uncaring judgmental world—and the
motivation for the latter decision should never be confused with love.
You might object, as modern parents sometimes do: why should a child
even be subject to the arbitrary dictates of a parent? In fact, there is a new
variant of politically correct thinking that presumes that such an idea is
“adultism:”^103 a form of prejudice and oppression analogous to, say, sexism
or racism. The question of adult authority must be answered with care. That
requires a thorough examination of the question itself. Accepting an objection
as formulated is halfway to accepting its validity, and that can be dangerous
if the question is ill-posed. Let’s break it down.
First, why should a child be subject? That’s easy. Every child must listen
to and obey adults because he or she is dependent on the care that one or
more imperfect grown-ups is willing to bestow. Given this, it is better for the
child to act in a manner that invites genuine affection and goodwill.
Something even better might be imagined. The child could act in a manner
that simultaneously ensures optimal adult attention, in a manner that benefits
his or her present state of being and future development. That’s a very high
standard, but it’s in the best interests of the child, so there is every reason to
aspire to it.
Every child should also be taught to comply gracefully with the
expectations of civil society. This does not mean crushed into mindless
ideological conformity. It means instead that parents must reward those
attitudes and actions that will bring their child success in the world outside
the family, and use threat and punishment when necessary to eliminate
behaviours that will lead to misery and failure. There’s a tight window of
opportunity for this, as well, so getting it right quickly matters. If a child has