- Saying (or thinking) “I’m not ready to commit”—but staying
together nonetheless, sometimes for years. - Focusing on small imperfections in your partner: the way s/he
talks, dresses, eats, or (fill in the blank) and allowing it to get
in the way of your romantic feelings. - Pining after an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend—(the “phantom ex”—
more on this later). - Flirting with others—a hurtful way to introduce insecurity
into the relationship. - Not saying “I love you”—while implying that you do have
feelings toward the other person. - Pulling away when things are going well (e.g., not calling for
several days after an intimate date). - Forming relationships with an impossible future, such as with
someone who is married. - “Checking out mentally” when your partner is talking to you.
- Keeping secrets and leaving things foggy—to maintain your
feeling of independence. - Avoiding physical closeness—e.g., not wanting to share the
same bed, not wanting to have sex, walking several strides
ahead of your partner.
If you’re avoidant, these small everyday deactivating strategies are tools
you unconsciously use to make sure the person that you love (or will love)
won’t get in the way of your autonomy. But at the end of the day, these
tools are standing in the way of you being happy in a relationship.
The use of deactivating strategies alone is not enough to keep attachment
at bay. They’re just the tip of the iceberg. As an avoidant, your mind is
governed by overarching perceptions and beliefs about relationships that
ensure a disconnect with your partner and get in the way of your happiness.
duaa sulaimanylg6qt
(Duaa Sulaimanylg6QT)
#1