- Brenda, 27, a movie producer, acts as a social hub, knows everyone,
and is always where the action is. She had one serious boyfriend
from age 18 to 24 and has been seeing other people ever since. - Gregory, 50, an electrical engineer and divorced father of two, is very
outgoing and easy to get along with. He’s still licking his wounds
from his failed marriage and is on the lookout for wife number two.
Secures come in every possible shape, size, and form. Something else
distinguishes them that is harder to recognize, at least at first. Janet, 41,
experienced that “something” firsthand:
Overwhelmed by the amount of work she’d left unfinished before the
weekend, Janet woke up Monday morning in a state of dread. She was
convinced that there was no way she’d ever get through the enormous pile
on her desk, and her situation made her feel incompetent. She turned to her
husband, Stan, who was lying in bed besides her and—out of nowhere—
told him how disappointed she was with his business’s progress and how
worried she was that he wasn’t going to make it. Stan was taken aback, but
responded to Janet’s attack without any visible trace of animosity. “I
understand that you’re frightened and there might be some comfort for you
if I feel frightened too, but if you’re trying to encourage me to be more
efficient at work—which you often do—this isn’t the best way to do it.”
Janet was dumbfounded. She knew he was right—that she’d been
expressing only her own concerns. Seeing that she was tearful, Stan offered
to drive her to work. In the car, she apologized. She hadn’t meant the stuff
she’d said, but she was in such an emotional funk that everything seemed
dreary to her.
It was then that she realized what a wonderfully supportive husband Stan
was. If he had attacked her out of the blue, she’d have struck back and
World War III would have broken out. She wouldn’t have stayed collected
enough to see what was really going on, to understand that it wasn’t about
her but about him. Stan’s ability to handle the situation in the way he did
required a real emotional gift. “I have to remember how good it feels to be
on the receiving end of that and offer some in return someday,” she thought
to herself.