their partner. The bad news is that when secure people do, on occasion,
enter into a negative relationship, they might not know when to call it quits
—especially if it’s a long-term, committed relationship in which they feel
responsible for their partner’s happiness.
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF THINGS HAVE GONE TOO
FAR?
If you’re secure but start to feel agitated, worried, or jealous (anxious
traits), or if you find yourself thinking twice before expressing your
feelings, or are becoming less trusting of or starting to play games with
your partner (avoidant traits), it is a huge warning sign and very likely that
you’re with the wrong person or that you’ve been through a difficult
experience that has shaken the core of your secure foundation. Life events
such as the loss of a loved one, an illness, or a divorce can cause such a
shift.
If you’re still in the relationship, remember that just because you can get
along with anyone doesn’t mean you have to. If you’re unhappy after
having tried every way to make things work, chances are that you should
move on. It’s in your best interest to end a dysfunctional relationship rather
than get stuck forever with the wrong person just because you’re secure.
If you’ve experienced loss of an attachment figure, for whatever reason,
remember that it wasn’t your set of beliefs that were to blame and it is well
worth holding on to them. It is better to find a way to heal the wounds and
maintain the hope that there are other people out there who share your need
for intimacy and closeness. You can be happy again.
A FINAL WORD OF RECOGNITION FOR THE SECURES
OF THIS WORLD
Before we learned about attachment theory, we took the secures of the
world for granted, and even dismissed them as boring. But looking through