different needs when it comes to closeness and spending time together.
A ROMANTIC BED-AND-BREAKFAST IN VERMONT
Susan, 24, and Paul, 28, decide to go on a spontaneous weekend trip to
Vermont. When they get there, they check out two B&Bs. Both places are
cozy and inviting. One has a room with two single beds and the other has a
room with one large queen-size bed. Paul wants the room with the two
single beds, because the view is spectacular. Susan wants the one with the
large bed—she can’t imagine going on a romantic getaway and having to
sleep in a separate bed. Paul is a little dismissive of Susan. “We sleep in the
same bed every night, what’s the big deal? At least we can enjoy the view
here.” Susan feels ashamed that she has this strong need to be close to Paul
at night, but still, she just can’t imagine them sleeping in separate beds on
their vacation. Neither wants to give in, and the argument threatens to spoil
the weekend.
What is this disagreement about? On the face of it, a difference in taste
when it comes to hotel rooms. Susan’s insistence seems a bit extreme. But
what if you knew that Paul hates to cuddle with her before going to sleep?
That this bothers Susan greatly and that she feels rejected by his behavior?
What if you knew that she’s sure that with two separate beds he will rush to
his own the minute the sex is over? In this fuller context, she doesn’t seem
so unreasonable anymore. We can interpret her concern as a fundamental
need for closeness that is going unmet.