• __
What are the main attachment principles at play in your relationships?
Go back to your inventory and ask yourself how the secure role models
(or integrated secure role model) can shed new light on the relationship
issues you are/were dealing with.
- What would they do if they were in such a situation?
- Which point of view would they bring to the table?
- What would they tell you if they knew you were dealing with this
issue? - How is your experience with them relevant to the situation?
The answer to these questions will help you complete the last—and crucial
—column of the inventory.
The two examples below will allow you to better understand how this
approach can work and how to use the inventory.
THE TEXT MESSAGE THAT SAVED THE DAY
When we interviewed Georgia and Henry for the book, they were
constantly quarreling. According to Henry, nothing he ever did was good
enough for Georgia, and he was always being judged and criticized.
Georgia, for her part, believed that the onus of the marriage was on her. She
had to run after Henry to make even simple plans and was always the one to
initiate everything—from buying a birthday present for his mother to
deciding which apartment to rent. She felt very alone in the partnership.
When we encouraged Georgia to start monitoring her working model,
which was clearly anxious, she came up with a particular situation that
occurred frequently and always upset her. Henry never had time to talk to
her during the workday. She would call and leave a message, but he would
rarely get back to her. Georgia’s inventory included the following entry: