that he was hurting her, then he could treat her as well as he treated
everyone else.
Marsha wasn’t aware that Craig treated her so badly not in spite of her
being closest but because she was closest. She was now living within
Craig’s inner circle. When our partners join our inner circle, we become
close to them in a way that we can be only with our closest relatives—our
spouse and kids (and as children, with our parents and siblings).
Unfortunately, life in the inner circle for an anxious-avoidant couple is not a
bed of roses. Once Marsha crossed that line with Craig, she got too close
for comfort and became the enemy. The more Marsha tried to get close, the
more he tried to push her away. This is often what life can be like in the
inner circle if you have an anxious attachment style and you are with
someone avoidant.
SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE BECOME “THE ENEMY”
- You are ashamed to let friends and family know how your
partner really treats you. - You are surprised when people tell you how sweet, nice, or
considerate your mate is. - You listen in on your partner’s conversations to learn what is
really going on in his or her life. - Your partner often consults other people, rather than you,
about important issues. - In an emergency, you feel uncertain that your partner will
drop everything in order to be there for you. - It is more important for your partner to make a good
impression on strangers than on you. - You’re surprised when you see friends being treated
considerately by their partners. - You are the person most likely to be insulted or put down by
your mate. - Your emotional and physical health are low on your partner’s
priority list.
Do these statements apply to your situation? Chances are that if you’re
getting the cold shoulder, if your partner is much nicer to strangers and