IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO USE EFFECTIVE
COMMUNICATION, EVEN IF YOU START OFF ON THE
WRONG FOOT
Larry got a disturbing e-mail from work one Saturday while Sheila, his
partner of seven years, was out seeing a friend. When she came home to
pick up her things for the gym, Larry became anxious and upset: “You’re
going out again? You just got home! I never get to see you on weekends!”
Even as he was saying this, Larry knew that he wasn’t being fair. Sheila was
taken aback by the unwarranted attack—he’d known of her plans, and
before confirming them, she had even offered to stay home with him if he
had wanted her to. The atmosphere became tense and neither said a word
for some time. After reading something to calm down, Larry realized what
his behavior was really all about: He was edgy because of the e-mail from
work and wanted the security of having Sheila close by, but wasn’t
comfortable asking her to change her plans. He’d instinctively launched
into protest behavior, picking a fight just to engage her. He apologized to
Sheila for not expressing his needs effectively and explained the situation.
Once the true message got through, she calmed down as well. She gave him
the support that he needed and he insisted that she go to the gym.
Although Larry initially resorted to protest behavior, he discovered that,
with a receptive partner, effective communication, even when employed
late in the game, can diffuse a stressful situation.
THE FIVE PRINCIPLES OF EFFECTIVE
COMMUNICATION
Like the concept of effective communication, the principles are also very
straightforward:
- Wear your heart on your sleeve. Effective communication requires
being genuine and completely honest about your feelings. Be
emotionally brave!