- Secure
- Insecure
Insecure tactics John used:
Secure tactics John could use:Answer: Secure. Secure people aren’t saints! They can get tired and feel
impatient at times, and their minds drift like everyone else’s. The key is how
they react once conflict arises. Notice how John doesn’t retaliate or act
defensive when Ruth attacks him. He maintains focus on the problem,
answers in a straightforward way (“I’m really exhausted.. .”), and shows a
genuine awareness for his wife’s well-being by validating her concern (“I am
very worried about this too”).
Secure tactics John could use: John did a pretty good job; he averted an
unnecessary escalation and calmed his partner down. Imagine if he’d
snapped, “Goddamnit! Can’t you see how tired I am? What do you want to
do, get us in an accident?” Fortunately, he understood that his wife’s
accusation came from a place of distress rather than criticism, and he tackled
the real problem, assuring her that they’re partners where their daughter’s
welfare is concerned.
- Steve, who has been dating Mia for a few weeks, calls her on Friday
afternoon to ask if she’d like to join him and his friends that night at
the local bar. Mia gets upset because Steve almost always wants to
meet her with his friends, while she prefers a one-on-one rendezvous.
“You’re really scared of being alone with me, huh? I don’t bite, you