Answer: Steve—Insecure. Steve tries to avert a confrontation or an
intimate conversation and withdraws instead of engaging. He doesn’t try to
find out what was on Mia’s mind; he simply vanishes.
Secure tactics he could use: For starters, it seems that Steve is not really
interested in anything serious. Otherwise he probably wouldn’t choose to
bring an entourage on every date. If, however, he does want to make the
relationship work, Steve should stay focused on the problem and ask Mia
what she meant by her statement. Granted, she did sound a bit cynical, but if
Steve were smart (and secure), he wouldn’t take it personally. He would try
to see what was on her mind and how it could be used to take the relationship
to a higher (and more intimate) level.
Answer: Mia—Insecure. But what about Mia? Her reaction was also
insecure. Her attempt to effectively communicate her needs sounded a bit too
much like an attack. She will now be left wondering, did I upset him? Did he
think I was criticizing him?
Secure tactics Mia could use: Mia could have said something like, “You
know, I’d rather not be with the crowd all the time. I enjoy being alone with
you; how about we make plans for us?” (effectively communicating her
needs). Steve’s reaction would have revealed whether he’s able to listen to
what his partner wants and accommodate her needs.
- While sitting at a sidewalk café, Emma notices her boyfriend Todd
checking out other women as they walk by.
“I really hate it when you do that. It’s so humiliating,” she says.
“What do you mean?” he responds innocently.
“You know exactly what I mean. You’re staring.”
“That’s ridiculous! Where do you want me to look? And even if I was
looking, show me one guy who doesn’t check out pretty women. It
means absolutely nothing.”
Todd’s reaction is:- Secure
- Insecure
Insecure tactics Todd used: