Secure tactics Todd could use: The secure approach would have been to
show concern for Emma’s well-being by saying that he realizes how lousy his
staring must make her feel. He could also try to understand what really
bothers her about this behavior and reassure her that he does find her
beautiful (maintaining focus on the problem at hand). He could ask her to
point out when he slips into this pattern again so he can try to change his
behavior: “I’m sorry. I do this out of habit, but I realize now that it’s upsetting
and disrespectful toward you. After all, I get upset when other men look at
you even if you’re not aware of it! I’ll try to be more respectful, but if I lapse,
I want you to call me on it.”
Answer: Emma—Secure. Emma effectively communicates her needs.
She tells Todd how his actions make her feel in a straightforward,
nonaccusatory manner (or as nonaccusatory as can be expected under the
circumstances).
Secure tactics Emma could use: She did a good job.
- Dan’s sister comes to look after Dan and Shannon’s kids while the
two go out for some much needed time together. When they return,
Shannon goes straight up to bed while Dan chats with his sister. Later
Dan comes up to their room, fuming. “My sister is doing us a huge
favor by babysitting, the least you could do is say hello to her!” In
response Shannon says, “Did I really not even say hello? I’m so
spaced out. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”
Shannon’s reaction is:- Secure
- Insecure
Insecure tactics Shannon used:
Secure tactics Shannon could use: