Don’t rely on one “symptom,” look for various signs.Assess his/her reaction to effective communication.Listen and look for what he or she is not saying or doing.DECIPHERING ATTACHMENT STYLES WORKSHOP
Read the following accounts. Can you identify the attachment style in each
case? Cover the answers with a piece of paper if you really want to test
yourself, keeping in mind the prevailing traits and Golden Rules we’ve just
outlined (see the chart above).
- Barry, divorced, 46.
Relationship? I don’t want to hear about it now. I am still licking the
wounds from my divorce. I want to make up for the time that I was married.
I want to feel that women desire me. I want lots of sex. I know I have to be
careful, though, because every woman that I go out with immediately starts
to fantasize about what kind of father I’ll be to her kids and how our last
names will sound together. I’ve been dating someone for almost a year now,
her name is Caitlin and she’s great in every way. I know she would love for
us to become more serious, but it will take me a long time before I’m ready
to trust another woman, to commit and love. But even then I know exactly
what I don’t want and what I’m not willing to compromise on. Like what?
Well, she’ll have to be financially self-sufficient because I already have one
woman milking me dry; I have no intention of supporting two! But there are
also some other lines that I’m not willing to cross.
Attachment Style: ____
Answer: Avoidant. You might be saying to yourself that the guy just
went through a divorce and is bound to be cautious. That may be so, but
until we hear evidence to the contrary—he’s avoidant. He says that even