9781529032178

expression (e.g., anger) and gradually evolves into one displaying a neutral
expression. Participants were asked to stop the movie at the frame at which
they believed the original emotion had dissipated. They found that people
with an anxious attachment style were more likely to perceive the offset of
emotion earlier than other people. Also, when the task was reversed—
starting with a neutral face and gradually moving to a pronounced
expression—more anxious individuals perceived the onset of the emotion
earlier. These findings suggest that people with an anxious attachment style
are indeed more vigilant to changes in others’ emotional expression and can
have a higher degree of accuracy and sensitivity to other people’s cues.
However, this finding comes with a caveat. The study showed that people
with an anxious attachment style tend to jump to conclusions very quickly,
and when they do, they tend to misinterpret people’s emotional state. Only
when the experiment was designed in such a way that anxious participants
had to wait a little longer—they couldn’t react immediately when they
spotted a change, but had to wait a little longer—and get more information
before making a judgment did they have an advantage over other
participants. This is an important lesson for someone with an anxious
attachment style: If you just wait a little longer before reacting and jumping
to conclusions, you will have an uncanny ability to decipher the world
around you and use it to your advantage. But shoot from the hip, and you’re
all over the place making misjudgments and hurting yourself.
Once activated, they are often consumed with thoughts that have a single
purpose: to reestablish closeness with their partner. These thoughts are
called activating strategies.
Activating strategies are any thoughts or feelings that compel you to get
close, physically or emotionally, to your partner. Once he or she responds to
you in a way that reestablishes security, you can revert back to your calm,
normal self.

Activating Strategies