running into him/her.Withdrawing:
- Sitting silently “engrossed” in the paper, literally turning your
back on your partner, not speaking, talking with other people
on the phone and ignoring him/her.
Keeping score:
- Paying attention to how long it took them to return your
phone call and waiting just as long to return theirs; waiting
for them to make the first “make-up” move and acting
distant until such time. When Ryan decided not to leave a
message for Shauna after she screened his calls, he was
keeping score (“If she’s not answering my calls, I won’t
leave her a message”).
Acting hostile:
- Rolling your eyes when they speak, looking away, getting up
and leaving the room while they’re talking (acting hostile
can transgress to outright violence at times).
Threatening to leave:
- Making threats—“We’re not getting along, I don’t think I can
do this anymore,” “I knew we weren’t really right for each
other,” “I’ll be better off without you”—all the while hoping
s/he will stop you from leaving.
Manipulations:
- Acting busy or unapproachable. Ignoring phone calls, saying
you have plans when you don’t.
Making him/her feel jealous:
- Making plans to get together with an ex for lunch, going out
with friends to a singles bar, telling your partner about
someone who hit on you today.