that of their offspring. To ensure the survival of the species under
any condition that might arise, however, more than one strategy was
called necessary. For those born into hostile conditions, in which
large numbers perished from hunger, disease, or natural disasters,
skills other than collaborative ones became more important. Those
individuals who were able to detach and be self-sufficient were
more successful at competing for limited resources in these extreme
environments, and so, a segment of the population leaned toward an
avoidant attachment style.
Unfortunately, the survival advantage for the human race does not
necessarily translate into an advantage for the avoidant individual.
Chris McCandless might still be alive if he’d been willing to
collaborate with others. In fact, studies show that if you have an
avoidant attachment style, you tend to be less happy and satisfied in
your relationships.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way; you don’t
have to be a slave to evolutionary forces. You can learn what does
not come naturally to you and improve your chances at developing a
rewarding relationship.FLYING SOLO?
It’s important to remember that the avoidant attachment style always
manifests itself. It determines to a great extent what you expect in
relationships, how you interpret romantic situations, and how you behave
with your date or partner. Whether you are single or involved in a
relationship, even a committed one, you are always maneuvering to keep
people at a distance.
Susan, who has an avoidant attachment style, describes herself as a free
spirit. She gets involved with men—sometimes for more than a year—but
then eventually tires of them, moves on to the next conquest, and jokingly
refers to the “trail of broken hearts” she left behind. She sees need as a
weakness and looks down on people who become dependent on their
partner, mockingly referring to such situations as “jail time.”