THINK DAVID SEDARIS, BUT GROSSER.
Samantha Irby (Meaty)—the funni-
est essayist right now—continues
to mine life’s ridiculous mundani-
ties for laughs in Wow, No Thank
You. She begins by detailing her
“disgusting ” version of a lifestyle-
blog feature, complete with noon
wakeups, knocking back a half
dozen Diet Cokes a day, and sad attempts at alkaliza-
tion. (“I no longer have a pelvic floor, Jennifer Aniston.
I cannot just be gulping down smartwater with reck-
less abandon!”) Life, as a whole, proves gloriously
absurd: the gastrointestinal consequences of a night on
the town, the unexpected horrors of getting a dog, the
sheer tragedy of a restaurant not having online deliv-
ery so you have to talk on the phone. Irby can never
make fun of herself enough, which is good news for us:
Her misery makes for great company. —DAVID CANFIELDHIGH ANXIETY1.
PEDICURES
“I’m in desperate need of
one, but it’s so scary,
that I won’t do it. I am so
nervous for someone
to be horrified by my feet.
I have big feet.”2.
MAKING NEW
FRIENDS
“I didn’t really think
about it until I moved a few
years ago. Like, do
I just go into the grocery
store and say, ‘Hey,
you look like you enjoy
prestige television!’ ”3.
CHILDREN
“Kids are traitors! You
can be having a really fun
time with them, then
they just start screaming
or crying and everyone
looks at you like, ‘What did
you do to that baby?’ ”“EVERY EXPERIENCE OF
LIFE IS HARROWING
FOR ME,” SAMANTHA IRBY
ADMITS. BUT HERE’S
WHAT SCARES HER MOST.
As told to David CanfieldNo3SAMANTHA IRBYBOOKSNo2MOVIESNO TIME TO DIEAfter he suffered a seri-
ous knee injury while
shooting 2015’s Spectre,
Daniel Craig essentially
said “Never again!” to
playing James Bond (for
a fifth time). But as
007 fans know, you should
never say never again,
so we’re raising a martini
to the actor’s return—and
final performance—as
the superspy in No Time
to Die. This go-round,
Bond is lured from retire-
ment by Jeffrey Wright’s
CIA agent Felix and
crosses paths with the
movie’s villain, Safin,
played by Oscar winner
Rami Malek (Bohemian
Rhapsody). Other new
faces include Craig’s
Knives Out costar Ana
de Armas as a CIA opera-
tive named Paloma
and Lashana Lynch as
“double-0” agent Nomi.
With twists and turns
aplenty—and we’re not
just talking about how
Bond handles his luxury
Aston Martin DB5—
Craig’s swan song will
leave fans shaken and,
well, you-know-what.
—CLARK COLLIS8 APRIL 2020 EW ● COMNO TIME TO DIE: NICOLA DOVE/MGM; IRBY: EVA BLUE; HIGH ANXIETY ILLUSTRATIONS BY CAMERON K. LEWISAPRIL2020.MUSTLIST2.LO B.indd 8 FINAL 3/3/20 10:12 AM