24 | http://www.nationalreview.com MARCH 23 , 2020ANDREW BURTON/GETTY IMAGESnot-quite-cold Chardonnay and a passed bag of Funyuns.
Bloomberg did everything but spray a money cannon at the
Philadelphia crowd. He’s been issuing his staffers iPhones
and free MacBook Pros and three meals a day and paying
them double what other campaigns offered. But can he sell
himself? How many will just take the goodies and pass on
the candidate?
Bloomberg’s best pitch is this: Attention, citizens,he will
say in his broad, nasal voice, do you think the country is in
a state of chaos? Then flash a giant dollar sign in the air
like a Bat Signal.That devil-may-care billionaire–turned–
Gotham fighter of crime will swoop down from an unseen
aerie and... quietly sit down in his voguish open-plan
office and efficiently tap away at the national keyboard.
Vote Mike, he will type in the correct country-straightening-
out commands. That was how he operated as mayor of New
York City from 2002 to 20133, anyway. Obesity is a prob-
lem? Clackity-clack, large sodas, trans fats, and smoking
are banned, and a new bike path for every commute. Don’t
like gun violence? Snickety-snick, Bloomy will buy another‘I
’LLtake the Uber and vote for someone else.” It’s
the 21st-century analogue to “You can lead a
horse to water.. .” and it’s the problem vexing the
Michael Bloomberg campaign. Especially in pri-
mary season, people vote out of love. Barack Obama
didn’t have to guess for whom all the people his vans
picked up in minority neighborhoods and brought to the
polls would vote, but Mike Bloomberg has no clue whether
offering voters an open bar, catered meals, and ultimately
maybe even an Uber to the polls, as his aide Howard
Wolfson hinted it might in the quotation above, will even
make them fall in like. At a typically insane Bloomberg
rally on February 4 across from Liberty Hall in Phila -
delphia, there was a groovy Pink Floyd–style light show,
booze for the asking, and free T-shirts. There was a buffet
and a rap act. There was everything a politician’s money can
buy, except attack ads and maybe voters. Sure, 2,000 people
turned up, but how many of them were there to get a snoot-
ful and a full meal? I’ve seen the expensively educated
stampede into a New York City book party on a promise ofNanny-State Napoleon
Mike Bloomberg proves money doesn’t buy you love
BY KYLE SMITH
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