Frankie201803-04

I sometimes feel I don’t have the right to say ‘no’, even though I live

in a society where I’m apparently ‘free’. I feel I need to do everything

people ask me to at work; that I need to buy cosmetics salespeople

push me to buy; and that I need to eat a pizza with a dude who

thinks we should reintroduce capital punishment because the “fear

factor” would be an effective deterrent. Let’s consider each of these

scenarios separately.

At work, I feel I don’t have the right to say no because they pay

me to do the work I’m assigned. This, in my mind, creates a

master-slave relationship. I worked at a fancy restaurant once

(not that fancy; I saw the chefs dip their fingers in the soup to

check if it was off, then lick their fingers, shrug, and serve it) and

was made responsible for helping a parliamentary figure set up

for a function. I extended a hand and said, “Hi, I’m Mia, I’m your

slave.” Her eyes expanded in panic. She replied, “Don’t say that.”

I wanted to say, “What do you think, I woke up this morning hoping

I’d get to help set up for a function I don’t give two shits about?”

At that same restaurant, all the wait staff would gather pre-service

to hear the manager assign us our sections. One woman said no

to her section. The manager replied, “Do you want to work?” The

message: do what you’re told or get no money.

I once told a woman working at a high-end cosmetics counter that

I wanted a really deluxe foundation. She slapped some putty on

my face, which turned into small grains around my nose. I told her

it was too grainy. She told me my skin was too grainy. Then she

talked non-stop about how much she hated all human contact.

I bought the foundation because I didn’t know how else to exit the

conversation. I took the bag to the next counter and asked the

women in a whisper if they could please provide me with a refund.

They said they couldn’t – I had to return it to the same desk. I told

them I didn’t actually want the product in the first place, I was just

scared to say no. They yelled, “It’s your right to say no!” I waited till

another woman was working at the original desk and got the refund.

At a restaurant on a Tinder date, I realised I didn’t want to have

sex with a guy who looked like a garden gnome. When he talked

about how he thought we should reintroduce capital punishment,

I was terrified. He said, “I can see from your body language that

you don’t agree.” I said, “No, I think what you propose is extremely

problematic.” We waited for our pizza to arrive in silence. We ate

it. I got another wine. Only then did I tell him I wasn’t interested in

him “like that”. He demanded an explanation. I said it was a “gut

feeling”. He said he didn’t know what that meant. I said I really

needed to get home and nap. Out on the street, he asked again for

an explanation. I hyperventilated. He finally left, but called later that

night to tell me I was selfish.

In all the above scenarios, I was afraid – afraid of being fired;

afraid of someone getting angry at me; afraid of whatever capital

punishment enthusiasts do when you walk out on a date before the

chow arrives. I would experience less pain if I just said no when

shit doesn’t suit me. I can’t control other people’s reactions, and

I’m not responsible for other people’s feelings. I am free. But until

I exercise my right to say no, I’m everybody’s slave. Freedom, at

least for me, is only a word away.

right of refusal

MIA TIMPANO HAS SOME ISSUES

WITH TELLING PEOPLE TO STICK IT.

Photo

Lukasz Wierzbowski

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