Daily Mail - 05.03.2020

Page 42 Daily Mail, Thursday, March 5, 2020

femail cover

I tried to

hide under

the bed but

still my

boyfriend

attacked

me, then

raped me

... and another vIctIm shares her very dIfferent dIary

Laura, 19, from East Sussex, was raped by a

stranger at a party three years ago. She says:

August 31, 2017

I can’t take in what happened last night. I feel

so dirty and ashamed. I didn’t want to go to the

party but my friend Rachael wanted to see her

boyfriend. as soon as we arrived, she went off

with him.

a man called Mike, whose flat it was, made a

beeline for me. He kept leering, saying I was

pretty. He was 20 years older, and was telling

me to take some cocaine he had with him. I’ve

never done it and I said no, but in the end I

thought if I took some he’d leave me alone.

Instead, he pulled me into a bedroom and

pushed me down. after he’d raped me, I tried to

leave but his friends wouldn’t let me, and he

raped me again. this time I tried to fight,

repeatedly shouting: ‘no!’ But he pushed me on

to the bed. When he was finally too drunk or

drugged up to care, I managed to leave at

about 5am. I walked home in a daze — there

were no buses — then sat at my dressing table

and started to cry.

September 1, 2017

I Want to tell the police but, as I’m 16, it would

mean my parents would have to know.

they adopted me as my birth parents were

drug addicts, and I’m so ashamed I took cocaine.

I don’t want them to be disappointed.

I was afraid I could be pregnant or have a

disease so went to a clinic but, thankfully, I’m

OK. I cry a lot on my own, though. I’ve told two

of my close friends but not Rachael.

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graphic statements and gruelling cross-

examination in court. And then there’s

the fact that fewer than 5 per cent of all

rape cases result in conviction.

Although U.S. rules are different, the

recent trial of disgraced film mogul

Harvey Weinstein, convicted last month

of two charges of rape, has made the issue

a global talking point.

Six women took the witness stand at his

trial; but given the statistics, it’s not

hard to understand why victims in less

high-profile cases may decide against

doing so.

Last week, British pop star Duffy wrote

on social media that she too had been

raped and imprisoned by an attacker but

kept silent about it for years. It is not

known whether what happened led to

criminal proceedings but there is no

doubt about the devastating impact on

the singer’s life.

Ultimately for victims, it takes both

courage and determination to try to hold

attackers to account. Here, two such

women reveal their painfully honest

diaries — and very different outcomes.

FirSt, charlotte, 26, a mother-of-three

from the East of England, who was raped

seven years ago by her then boyfriend,

shares her story...

June 24, 2012

I feeL humiliated and worthless. earlier

this evening my boyfriend Simon raped

me in our bedroom.

We’d had a row about nothing much

when he suddenly dragged me upstairs. I

tried to hide under the bed but he

violently sexually assaulted me. It was

excruciating. He said he would stop if I

came out from under the bed, but he then

grabbed me and raped me. I tried every-

thing to stop him but he was too strong.

I was left in so much pain. I managed to

lock myself in the bathroom while he

tried to smash the door down.

Terrified, I waited hours until it sounded

like he’d left. Then I made a dash for my

car but he reappeared and stood in front

of the bonnet, saying he’d taken an over-

dose. He started throwing up,

apologising, and saying he would

kill himself if I left.

I’m too ashamed to tell anyone,

to tell the police or my family or

see a doctor. It’s difficult to

explain how humiliated, down-

trodden and worthless I feel.

We have been together for three

months. He seemed so charming

when we met through friends. I’d

just come out of a relationship

and he was attentive and kind.

We soon started living together

at my dad’s house. Dad runs his

o w n m u l t i - m i l l i o n p o u n d

company and stays with his

partner most of the time so we

have the place to ourselves.

Simon recently quit his job and

is now dependent on the money I

e a r n a s a n a d m i n i s t r a t i v e

assistant for my dad’s company.

I know he is troubled — he has

shown flashes of temper before

and has hit me sometimes, but

never this.

Sadly, this isn’t the first time

this has happened to me. When I

was 14 I was raped by a relative

and told the police but nothing

came of it. So maybe that’s why I

have written this down — just in

case I feel strong enough to tell

anyone, there’s a record of it.

July 2012

I’m STILL with Simon and we

are seeing a relationship counsel-

lor. Knowing things were volatile

between us, his mum suggested

we have sessions with a family

friend. He does seem to be sorry

for what he did and in a moment

of honesty, told his mother.

I felt so humiliated but she told

me she had been raped when she

w a s y o u n g e r a n d f o u n d a

counsellor very helpful.

I told the counsellor what

Simon had done to me. She

explained to him that it was rape.

He got really angry and threw a

t a b l e a c r o s s t h e r o o m. H e

struggles so much with anger

that I feel sorry for him sometimes

— but also frightened.

August 2012

I Keep having flashbacks of the

rape. The smallest of things set

me off, such as Simon leaning

over me to get the television

remote one night, which made

my blood run cold — or whenever

I hear him slam the door.

It was too much and in the end

I found the strength to leave him.

He didn’t take it well, saying he

would kill himself and me.

I’ve no idea where he’s living

but I’m with my mum now, who

has been very supportive. She

doesn’t know what Simon did. I

feel too ashamed to tell her.

The only person I’ve told is my

sister Louise.

June 2015

THree years on, I have a new

partner, Jack, and we have two

children: a daughter, two, and a

son, one. from the outside it

looks like I’ve moved on — but

the rape colours everything.

Sometimes I flinch when Jack

touches me. He knows what

Simon did. I told him one night

while we were in bed and I

freaked out. I had to explain why

I was struggling with being

intimate. He was very under-

standing and promises me he will

never hurt me and that we will

take our time until I feel ready.

I worry I’ll ruin our relationship.

I’ve suffered severe post-natal

depression and had counselling,

which helped me realise how

deeply traumatised I am.

I struggle to get out of bed, I

don’t look after myself, wash or

eat enough. I’ve been self-harm-

ing too. It feels like a release.

I haven’t felt strong enough to

r e t u r n t o m y j o b ; I f e e l

so broken.

July 2015

ToDAy I saw Simon in town. He

didn’t see me, but I had a panic

attack and my hand let go of the

buggy and it rolled into the road.

I managed to catch it in time but

I can’t shake the terror of know-

ing he’s so close to where I live. I

need to do something.

August 2015

I’ve finally done it. With my

sister Louise there for moral

support, I went to the police

station and reported him.

I felt nervous walking into the

station, but the male officer on

the front desk took me seriously

and I was then interviewed by a

man and a woman who took my

statement. It was difficult as they

wanted a lot of intimate detail. I

had the account I wrote at the

time and I gave it to them.

I feel so scared in case Simon

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