65
Daily Mail, Thursday, March 5, 2020^If Dawn French gossiped like this
in real life, she’d be in big trouble
Short Story of the day: We’re
spoilt for great, one-off dramas
on telly this month, what with
Inside No. 9 and now Moving On
(BBC1). Mark Addy starred in a
lovely, self-contained tale about
an old rugby pro coming out as
gay. Real tear-in-the-eye stuff.H
ave you heard the
latest? Look, I’m
not saying this is
true, but I think
it probably is... I
believe it anyway.
You know that one from the boy
band, the one who always looked
dodgy and apparently has a real
drink problem? Well, what I’ve
been told is...
Stop right now. There’s a very
good reason that British journalists
don’t deal in unsubstantiated
rumour, and that reason is called
‘libel law’.
Libels — damaging stories that
can’t be proven, whether or not
they are actually true — will quickly
bankrupt a newspaper, Tv or
radio station.
That’s why Dawn French’s frothy
drama, The Trouble With Maggie
Cole (ITv), is perfectly unrealistic.
village gossip Maggie is inter-
viewed on local radio by an unscru-
pulous hack who gets her tipsy on
G&T and persuades her to dish
the dirt on her neighbours — who
is having an affair, who has money
problems, who is covering up a lot-
tery win, who has a murky past.
Maggie might believe she is right
about all of it, but mere belief is no
defence against a libel action.
What matters is proof and she
hasn’t got any — she’s just the
tattletale who runs the local gift
shop and is married to the head-
master of the village primary school.If the plot is implausible, the char-
acters are wonderfully true to life.
We all know someone like Maggie
— a good-hearted bossy-boots
whose enthusiasm overpowers all
objections. She manipulates every-
one to do her bidding and has to be
the centre of attention, though
she’s oblivious to what people
actually think of her.
Hen-pecked hubbie Peter (Mark
Heap) will do anything for a quiet
life, and frequently has to... even
asking Maggie’s nosy questions for
her. He’s long since realised that
resistance is futile, so he might as
well do whatever his wife demands,
before she thinks of anything else.
J u l i e H e s m o n d h a l g h p l a y s
Maggie’s best friend Jill, the deputy
head, whose chief ambition is to
find herself a boyfriend.
Maggie signs her up to a dating
app without her consent, and then
tells everyone that Jill isn’t up to
the school’s top job.
It’s all terrific, scurrilous fun,
carried along by its own irrepress-
ible sense of mischief. Whether it
will remain light-hearted, I’m not
so sure: this episode, the first of
six, started at the village fete,The Trouble With Maggie Cole HHHHI
Tigers: Hunting The Traffickers HHHIIChristopher
stevens
last night’s tv
where a child went running after
a balloon and was hit by a car.
Nothing else was said about
that. Is this some long-buried
local tragedy, or something yet to
happen? I have my suspicions...
but I’m not one to gossip.
Former Royal Marine aldo
Kane was risking his neck to get
proof of rumours in Tigers:Hunting The Traffickers (BBC2).
Most of the hour comprised
footage from a handheld camera
as aldo broke into secret Far
e a s t f a r m s t o f i l m t h e
horrendous conditions where
big cats were bred.
Officials in China and across
South-east asia claim the
a n i m a l s a r e b e i n g k e p t i ncaptivity to boost conservation
programmes. aldo uncovered
hard evidence that the motive is
much dirtier: the tigers are bred
for meat and the so - called
medicinal powers of their bones.
He found dead cubs piled in
freezers and bloated animals
caged in the basements of
houses, where they were drip-
fed to fatten them up grossly.
everything he discovered was
horrific — but the evidence led
him nowhere. aldo handed it to
lobbyists, who presented it at
the Convention On International
Trade In endangered Species at
Geneva, who ignored it. Nothing
was achieved.
I t w a s a d e p r e s s i n g a n d
ultimately futile exercise.TELEVISION
catastrophic brain injury after being hit by a
car aged eight, and his troubles are ongoing.FILm ChOICES
A Wedding To Die For, 2.15pm, Ch5
With the action taking place in sunny
Barbados and the craziness ladled on with
a trowel, this mystery thriller really goes
for it. Warned that her fiance is a wrong ’un
by a psychic, Ella (Christa B. Allen) hatches
an elaborate plan for the honeymoon.My Friend Dahmer, 9pm, Film4
John BACkdErf
went to school
with an oddball
kid called Jeffrey
dahmer. John
grew up to be a
graphic artist
and published
a graphic novel
about dahmer,
who grew up to
be a sadistic serial killer. this chilling
drama is based on that graphic novel,
and stars ross Lynch (pictured with
Lily kozub) as the young dahmer.C H A N N E L 5
6.00 Milkshake! Peppa Pig (R) 6.20 Mya Go
(R,HD) 6.30 Fireman Sam (R,HD) 6.40 Noddy:
Toyland Detective (HD) 6.50 Abby Hatcher (HD)
7.00 Thomas & Friends (R,HD) 7.15 Milkshake!
Monkey’s Amazing Adventures (R,HD) 7.20
Peppa Pig (R,HD) 7.30 Peppa Pig (R,HD) 7.40
Top Wing (R,HD) 7.55 Paw Patrol (HD) 8.10
Floogals (R,HD) 8.25 Becca’s Bunch (R,HD) 8.40
Little Princess (R) 8.55 Ben and Holly’s Little
Kingdom (R,HD) 9.10 Sunny Bunnies (R,HD)
9.15 Jeremy Vine (HD)
1 1.15 Nightmare tenants, Slum
Landlords (R,HD)
1 2.10 5 News at Lunchtime (HD)
1 2.15 Paddington Station 24/7 (R,HD)
1 .10 access (HD)
1 .15 home and away (AD,R,HD)
1 .45 Neighbours (AD,HD)
2 .15 a Wedding to die for (2019) (HD)
Thriller, starring Christa B. Allen,
Danielle C. Ryan and Jacob Young.
See Critics’ Choice.
4 .00 friends (R,HD)
4 .30 friends (R,HD) The gang overhear
a scandalous conversation.
5 .00 5 News (HD)
5 .30 Neighbours (AD,R,HD) Toadie
decides not to do anything special
to mark the anniversary of Sonya’s
death, but his family disagree.
6 .00 home and away (AD,R,HD)
The hospital siege escalates.
6 .30 5 News tonight (HD)7.00 the dog rescuers with alan
davies (R,HD) The comedian
returns to help more sick canines,
including a Staffordshire bull
terrier that has a suspected
broken leg and a mystery lump.
(Followed by 5 News Update)8 .00 Britain’s Naughtiest Nursery
(HD) The parents of tearaway
tots Tegan, Frankie and Daisy
are hoping that Laverne
Antrobus has just the trick to
get everything back on track.
(Followed by 5 News Update)9 .00 10 years younger in 10 days
(HD) Cherry Healey meets mum-
of-two Julie, who has decided
it is time to focus on herself,
and ex-police officer Amanda,
who wants to go back to the fun-
loving party girl she once was.1 0.00 Me & My Beautiful face (HD)
Individuals with facial structures
different from the norm discuss
the psychological challenges of
their physical realities.1 1.05 Billionaire Kids: diamond Lives
(R,HD) Documentary about the
luxurious lives of children from
wealthy families, as well as
the companies able to make
a profit by catering to the
youngsters’ every whim.12.05 eamonn and ruth: Blowing a
fortune (R,HD) 1.00 The 21.co.uk
Live Casino Show (HD) 3.00 Access
(HD) 3.10 Paddington Station 24/7
(R,HD) 4.00 Tattoo Disasters UK
(BSL,R,HD) 4.45 House Doctor
(BSL,R) 5.10 Nick’s Quest (BSL,R)
5.35 Wildlife SOS (BSL,R,HD)■ Family viewing ● Generally suitable for all ◆ Caution recommended^ ▲ Particularly liable to offend
WELSh TV VARIATIONS
BBC1: 1.30pm BBC Wales Today; Weather. 6.30
BBC Wales Today; Weather. 6.55 Party Political
Broadcast. 10.25 BBC Wales Today; Weather.
ITV: 6.25pm Party Political Broadcast. 7.30 Hook’s
Line on England: A Six Nations Special. 8.30 Coast
& Country. 10.45 Diet: Trust Your Gut? Tonight.
11.15 Griff’s Great Australian Adventure.
S4C: 6.00am Cyw. 12noon Newyddion S4C a’r
Tywydd. 12.05 Pobol y Rhondda. 12.30 Heno. 1.30
Dan Do. 2.00 Newyddion S4C a’r Tywydd. 2.05
Prynhawn Da. 3.00 Newyddion S4C a’r Tywydd.
3.05 Cynefin. 4.00 Awr Fawr: Peppa. 4.05 Awr
Fawr: Blero yn Mynd i Ocido. 4.15 Awr Fawr:
Rapsgaliwn. 4.30 Awr Fawr: Sion y Chef. 4.45 Awr
Fawr: Sigldigwt. 5.00 Stwnsh. 6.00 Nyrsys. 6.25
Darllediad Gwleidyddol gan Plaid Cymru. 6.30
Rownd a Rownd. 7.00 Heno. 7.30 Newyddion S4C
a’r Tywydd. 8.00 Pobol y Cwm. 8.25 Rownd a
Rownd. 8.55 Newyddion S4C a’r Tywydd. 9.00
Jonathan. 10.00 3 Lle: Eleri Sion. 10.30 Hansh.
11.00 Y Stiwdio Gefn. 11.30 Mwy o Sgorio.FILM
CHOICE