Page 70 Daily Mail, Thursday, March 5, 2020
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letters
Caught, not saved,
by the warning bell
Out of the mouths of babes Today’s poem
When our six-year-old
granddaughter Lowri visits
after school, we enjoy our
drama and Pilates classes.
Session over, we put our shoesback on. Lowri said: ‘Wow,
Mamgu (Welsh for Grandma),
you can do your own laces!’
Mrs Dil Lewis,
Porthcawl, Mid Glamorgan.PLEASE DON’T ADD BOX BORDERFollow-up
We Were discussing the new
family next door when my wife
said they had a tortoise.
I’d seen their dogs, cats, a
rabbit and a guinea pig, but
no sign of a tortoise, so I
queried this.
She said, rather louder than I
thought necessary: ‘I said
they’ve got two daughters.’
Martin Hook,
Ashford, Kent.One-line
Philosophers
n IntereStInG the way
cliched phrases come into
fashion; ah well, it is what it is.
R. Isbell,
Marazion, Cornwall.
n traIn drivers know how to
get their lives back on track.
P. Turberville,
Mansfield, Notts.OVer tHe D rINK
Returning from her
shopping trip
I met my darling daughter,
Among some other articles
I found that she had
bought a
Litre of a liquid
Costing more than ale
or porter
Brought across the
wild Atlantic
In a maritime transporter
Where once the U-boats
prowled, intent
On sinking and on slaughter.
What was this fluid, vital
As blood in your aorta?
It seems we lack it over here
stocks must be
getting shorter.
But do we really need to buy
Canadian bottled water?
Mike Rathbone,
Southport, Lancs.Limerick
I’m Larry, the no 10 cat,
Me and Dilyn have just
had a chat,
And we both feel outraged
’Cos we’ll soon be upstaged
By a baby — how gutting
is that?
I. G. Fenner,
New Milton, Hants.Picture that!
Wordy Wise
YOLKsWAGen — an egg
delivery cart.
MInI COPPeR — short
policeman’s patrol car.
BenTLeG — the only way to
get it in this sports car!
POORsCHe — wrecked
Boxster.
MUsTAnK — horse-scented
aftershave.
sAnD ROVeR — the hottest
new beach buggy.
BOnDA — James test-drives a
Japanese car.
Ted Jones,
Margaretting, Essex.lem-sICK: A poorly lemon
octopus grown on our tree
in Spain.
Jackie Redman,
Thames Ditton, Surrey.Write to: Daily Mail Letters,
2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT
email: [email protected]peterbOrOugH
email: [email protected]
Double standards
BOrIS JOhnSOn has announced
that the Government’s contingency
plans to combat the spread of
coronavirus could include closing
s c h o o l s , p u b l i c b u i l d i n g s a n d
cancelling big events. rightly so.
he has also guaranteed that the
nhS will have all the funding needed
to battle this virus.
But why should the health service
be given unlimited resources to fight
Covid-19, which may or may not
infect or kill people in this country,
but enough cash is not available for
alzheimer’s sufferers or to treat
cancer and other serious diseases?
ASHLEY SMITH, March, Cambs.Deadly illness
WhILe around 3,200 people have
died worldwide from coronavirus,
which is regrettable, around 44,000
people in the UK alone are expected
to die from sepsis or conditions asso-
ciated with it in the next 12 months.
Scientists are working hard to
develop a vaccine for coronavirus,
but little is being done to stem
deaths from sepsis.
as soon as the pandemic is over-
come, intense scientific research
should begin on sepsis. But judging
by its past record, it will not be a
priority of the nhS and there will be
many more needless amputations
and deaths.
JEFFREY GRubb,
braintree, Essex.Stop the spivs
WIth the financial markets in sharp
decline due to the coronavirus threat,
spivs in the City will make a fortune
when the dust dies down.
the Chancellor should put in place
a mechanism that any money made
in this way is subject to a windfall tax
with all proceeds being directed to
the nhS.
TERRY CoATES, birmingham.
the stock market rout because of
coronavirus is likely to be only the
start of our financial problems.
the indications are that the
Government intends to ramp up
spending this year while cutting
taxes. almost unbelievably, it intends
to borrow the money, despite the
enormity of the national debt.
It justifies this by an on-the-hoof
distinction between ‘good’ borrow-
ing — where you’ll get the money
back — and ‘bad’ borrowing, which is
just for day-to-day spending.
It also points out that interest rates
are low, so we’ll be getting the money
for next to nothing. this argument
will be familiar to those who have
been egged on to buy by eager estate
agents and mortgage lenders.
Interest on the national debt is a
major component of government
spending. Spending most of your
income on debt interest is a classic
sign of impending bankruptcy.
RoGER SCHAFIR, London N21.Are we prepared?
the official advice about corona-
virus is laughable. ‘Wash your hands’
— why don’t people do this anyway?‘the nhS is prepared’ — most
hospital beds are already full and
there are no more isolation beds.
‘Self-isolate’ — the self-employed
can’t afford to do this for two weeks.
I’m not holding my breath that the
Government really has a handle on
this crisis.
M. SouTHoN, Ferndown, Dorset.
WIth the coronavirus threat hanging
over us, could the controversial facial
recognition cameras be used to
measure the heat signatures given
off by infected people?
this would be a quick , non-
i n t r u s i v e a n d e f f i c i e n t w a y o f
monitoring airports, railway stations,
ports and crowds of people.
D. M. DEAMER, York.
t h e m a n u f a c t u r e r s o f h a n d
sanitisers and antiseptic hand gels
must be rubbing their hands.
GARY L LoYD, Harlow, Essex.Keep calm and carry on
arOUnD 400,000 people die each
year around the world from ‘ordinary’
f l u , s o w h y a l l t h e f u s s o v e r
coronavirus? It may well be highly
contagious, but as 95 per cent of cases
are classified as mild or moderate,
would it not prove more beneficial if
we just got on with our daily lives?
Should we be unfortunate to catch
this flu-like disease, at least our
bodies will have the chance to
develop immunity.
bRIAN WARD, Crook, Co. Durham.
YeS, thousands do die each year
from flu, but vulnerable people like
me can have a flu jab to greatly lessen
the risk. there is no such protection
from coronavirus yet.
MICK WHEELER, Writtle, Essex.Cleaning up
WhY should supermarkets provide
antiseptic wipes to clean trolley
handles (Letters)? We should take
responsibility for ourselves.
I have been using wipes on trolleys
and shopping baskets for a long time
and do not expect anyone else to
provide them for me.
Where would it end? Being handed
a wipe when you get on a bus or enter
a department stores so you can wipe
down escalator handrails?
G. J. CRoSS, Isleworth, Middlesex.
We are quite correctly beingHAVe you lost a relative or
friend in recent months whose
life you’d like to celebrate? Our
column on Friday’s letters page
tells the stories of ordinary
people who lived extraordinary
lives. email a 350-word tribute
to: [email protected] or
write to: extraordinary Lives,
Daily Mail, 2 Derry street,
London W8 5TT. Please include a
contact phone number.CelebrAte life
of A loveD one
S
everaL years
ago, I was working
in the housing
department of a
rural council.
there was a protocol in place
for contact between council
officers and councillors.
Generally, councillors would
discuss any issues on the
phone or arrange to visit the
council offices.
It was an important part of
the job to have this kind of
interaction, and the
arrangements worked well.
the exception was a long-
serving councillor who had
retired from work and had
plenty of time on his hands.
he spent several hours at the
council offices every day.
he ignored the protocol and
just dropped in to see me.
this could be disruptive
because he often reminisced
about his war service. he hadsome interesting stories and I
liked him, but he took up half
an hour every day.
then one of my team had an
idea. She put a hand bell on
her desk and said she would
give it a brief ring whenever
the councillor came into themain office. this would give
me time to close my office
door or pick up my phone.
I’m not proud of this
subterfuge and it was a little
unprofessional, but it worked.
I didn’t do this every day, just
a couple of times a week when
I was busy.
the councillor would see that
my door was closed. If he
looked through the side glass,
I was on the phone. So he’d go
elsewhere in the building.
Phew! What a brilliant solution.
One day when I heard the bell,
I decided to just carry on
working. the councillor
appeared in my office doorway.
to my horror, he had the bell
in his hand.
I was embarrassed, but he
didn’t say a word. he just
placed the bell on my desk and
sat down. the wily old fox had
caught me out.
Don Townshend,
Chelmsford, Essex.the hungry fox who came to tea
MY ELDERLY uncle told me
this joke that still makes me
laugh out loud.
a MarrIeD couple viewed a
house in the country and
decided to buy it. they
suddenly remembered they
had not seen the WC, so wrote
to the vicar who had shown
them around to ask if he knew
where it was.
Being ignorant of the meaning
of WC, he thought they meant
the Wesleyan Chapel.Imagine their surprise when
they received this letter:
Dear Sir and Madam,
the WC is seven miles from
the house. this, of course, is
very unfortunate if you are in
the habit of going regularly.
however, it may please you to
know that some people take
their lunch and make a day of
it. By the way, it is made to
seat 500 people and the
committee have decided to fit
plush seats to ensure greater
comfort. those who can sparethe time walk, while others go
by train and get there just in
time. the last time my wife
went was ten years ago and
she had to stand. I never go at
all. they have special facilities
for ladies presided over by the
minister, who renders
assistance where necessary.
the children sit together and
sing during the proceedings.
PS: hymn sheets can be found
behind the door.
Mrs Sheila Hansford,
North bradley, Wilts.Your Jokes
HOW wonderful to read
about the lady who feeds
badgers (Mail). One summer
evening, while sitting in the
garden, my wife and I became
aware that something had
attracted the attention of one of
our cats. Looking over the fence,
I saw a fox which was clearly so
hungry it was eating berries that
had dropped off a tree. I fetched
a dish of cat food from the house
and, to my surprise, the fox did
not run away, but began to eat
(pictured). I can only assume its
hunger overcame its fear of
humans. This has become a daily
ritual. The foxes who visit us withtheir cubs have never posed a
threat to our cats and have
become so used to us that they
come into the garden, sit and
take food from our hand.
P. MADDRA, Newton Abbot, Devon.