Page 22 Daily Mail, Wednesday, March 4, 2020
by Jane
Green
my eye, I noticed a young, very
handsome man sit next to me.
He got out some papers and
placed them on the counter,
and I noticed my name written
on the paper. He was clearly one
of the other authors on my
panel, so I turned and intro-
duced myself.
Wi t h i n m i n u t e s , w e w e r e
engaged in a lively chat, and as
we ordered our respective
salads, our conversation went
from small talk about publish-
ing and the writing life, to real
talk about parents, and grief,
and relationships.
At a certain point in ourconversation, it occurred to me,
with a jolt, that he might have
been flirting with me; that there
might be chemistry between us.
It had been so long since
someone had flirted with me, I
told myself I must have been
imagining things. Besides, he
was so young! So handsome!
What on earth was I thinking?
He was the first one up at the
podium to speak. ‘I was just
talking to this very lovely women
in the bar,’ he said, ‘and when I
said I didn’t know what to talk
about today, she advised me to
tell funny stories and talk aboutcelebrities I know.’ I sank my
head into my hands, my cheeks
burning with embarrassment. It
was true, I had said that, only
half-joking, but all I could think
was: very lovely woman. He said
I was a very lovely woman.
After the event, we exchanged
email addresses, promising to
read each other’s novels and
stay in touch. I didn’t think
much about it, other than to
enjoy the little bit of attention I
had had. A few days later, on a
plane to the UK for a book tour,
I settled in to read his novel.
Landing at Heathrow, I textedL
ooKIng BAcK, I can
see how easily my head
was turned. I was in my
mid-40s and happily
married, or so I thought,
to a wonderful man who loved
me. Busy raising our six children
in the suburbs just outside
new York — but still an English
girl at heart.
This was my second marriage, which
had been an unexpected love story. I
answered an ad for a tiny beach cottage,
and shortly thereafter fell madly in love
with its owner. The man with twinkly
blue eyes and a ready smile.
I had four children, he had two, and
our families seemed to fit together. We
stole away for moments of romance
when the children were asleep, or on
the very rare weekends when we found
ourselves childless.
We had been together for six years,
married for three. our wedding had
been tiny, just our families and children,
one set of dear friends. We got married
in front of a fireplace in a small boutique
hotel in our town, both wiping tears
away as we said our vows. I knew this
time it would be for ever.
And then, it was on to real life. My
husband would joke that life had
become ‘pots and pans’: we were so
busy chauffeuring the children around,
cooking dinner, juggling work and
family life, we didn’t have time to focuson each other. The pots and pans of life
had swiftly removed the romance. We
were happy enough, even though we
had little time for just the two of us,
and felt permanently exhausted. I used
to say (and still do), a good night was
being in bed by nine; a great night
was being in bed by eight.
As relationship psychologist Esther
Perel says in her book, Mating In
captivity: Reconciling The Erotic And
The Domestic: ‘It’s hard to experience
desire when you’re weighted down
by concern.’
We were weighted down by concern,
children, financial commitments,
exhaustion. There seemed to be little
room left for desire.
My publisher asked to send me to a
book conference in california. I couldn’t
wait — anything work related that
involved travel was a break from the
monotony, a chance to remember who
I was when not defined by being
someone’s wife, someone’s mother.
I was to speak on a panel of authors,
most of whom I didn’t know, held at a
large hotel close to Disneyland. I
decided to have lunch in the bar before-
hand, to settle my nerves and regroup
before the event. out of the corner of Back on track: Jane Green and husband Ian WarburgExhausted by life,
we had little time
for the two of us
Picture: CAMERA PRESS/CiRCEH AMiltonBy Daily Mail Reporter
Scores of children ‘died
on social services’ watch’
HunDreDs of children died or were
victims of abuse and neglect after
concerns for their welfare had
already been raised with social
services, according to a report.
There was a ‘significant and
troubling’ number of cases where
children had ‘either died or been
seriously harmed in the context of
abuse and neglect’, the Child
safeguarding Practice review
Panel said.
The panel received 538 serious
safeguarding notifications of child
abuse and neglect since 2018.
More than half of the cases (54 per
cent) were known to social services.
A similar proportion had already
been identified as ‘vulnerable’ but
despite this ‘the system was not able
to prevent the death or serious inci-
dent’, the report said.
some 244 of the reports involved
children who later died.
The panel could not confirm the
e x a c t n u m b e r o f c h i l d r e n
who had died because some
notifications mentioned more
than one child.
A Government spokesman said:
‘every child deserves to be safe and
we are taking urgent action.’History don
barred from
Oxford talk
in trans row
An oXFoRD historian, who
was given bodyguards after
threats from trans activists,
has been barred from speaking
at a feminist history event.
Selina Todd, a professor in Mod-
ern History at St Hilda’s college,
had been provided with security
last month after allegedly making
‘transphobic’ remarks.
And in the latest twist, she was ‘no
platformed’ at an oxford event
a b o u t t h e w o m e n’ s l i b e r a t i o n
movement, due to criticism from
trans opponents.
The prominent feminist historian
had been accompanied to lectures
by the ‘two big burly guys’ after infu-
riating some trans-rights activists.
She later warned that ‘democracy
is under threat’ due to the violent
reaction of pro-trans activists when
their beliefs are challenged.
Trans-rights campaigners were
believed to have taken issue with her
ties to the women’s rights group
Woman’s Place UK – which some
claim to be ‘transphobic’.
And in a move that was strongly
condemned by the university and
met with outcry by many other femi-
nists, the author was barred from
Friday’s event at Exeter college
commemorating the 50th anniver-
sary of Ruskin college’s inaugural
Women’s Liberation conference.
In a statement addressing the can-
cellation professor Todd said: ‘I am
shocked to have been no-platformed
by this event, organised by oxford
International Women’s Festival and
hosted at Exeter college. I was asked
to participate in october 2019, and I
explained to the organisers that
some trans activists may object to
my being there’, she said.
‘I was then told that trans activists
had already expressed hostility
towards the event because they
claimed second-wave feminism is
i n h e r e n t l y t r a n s - e x c l u s i o n a r y ’.
Among those who spoke out against
her exclusion was campaigner Julie
Bindel, who told the organisers: ‘You
should hang your heads in shame for
giving into this mob.’
Education Secretary gavin Wil-
liamson has made protecting free
speech on university campuses – and
stamping out ‘no platforming’ – one
of his priorities.
Last night, the Times reported the
conservative MP Sir Edward Leigh
had lodged a complaint with the Uni-
versities Minister about suppression
of free speech at the event.
The oxford University History Fac-
ulty also criticised the decision, say-
ing: ‘We cannot accept the exclusion
of our respected colleague professor
Selina Todd from the event, and that
means that we withdrew from the
weekend’s celebration. We recognise
that it is not always straightforward
to balance the rights of women with
the rights of trans people, but we
believe that the way forward is for us
all to talk to one another.’
Professor Todd denies holding dis-
criminatory views against trans peo-
ple. Exeter college said it was not
responsible for her being banning.
In a lengthy statement posted on
Twitter, the oxford International
Women’s Festival said it was not
‘responsible for requesting Professor
Selina Todd not to speak’.By Josh White
‘Expressed hostility
towards the event’under fire: Professor selina Todd