outsiders, but its a tip-off that they are unaware of, or insensitive to, their
professional problems. They prefer pharmacy.
Technique #45
Echoing
Echoing is a simple linguistic technique that packs a powerful wallop.
Listen to the speakers arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions,
adjectivesand echo them back. Hearing their words come out of your mouth
creates subliminal rapport. It makes them feel you share their values, their
attitudes, their interests, their experiences.
How to Make Them Feel That Youre Like Family 181
Recently, at a reception, I introduced one of my friends, Susan, as a day-
care worker. Afterward Susan begged, Leil, pueeze do not call me a day-
care worker. Were child-care workers. Whoops! Time and recent history
quickly make certain terms archaic.
A groups intense preference for one word is not arbitrary. Cetain jobs,
minorities, and special-interest groups often have a hitory the public is not
sensitive to. When that history has too much pain attached to it, people
invent another word that doesnt have bitter connotations.
I have a dear friend, Leslie, who is in a wheelchair. She says whenever
anyone says the word handicapped, she cringes. Leslie says it makes her
feel less than whole. We prefer you say person with a disability. She then
gave a moving explanation. We peple with disabilities are the same as every
other able-bodied peson. We say AB, she added. ABs go through life with
all the same baggage we do. We just carry one extra piece, a disability.
Its simple. Its effective. To show respect and make people feel close to
you, Echo their words. It makes you a more sensitive comunicatorand keeps
you out of trouble every time.
How to Really Make It Clear to Them
I recently had to make a presentation to fifteen men in a corprate
meeting. OK, I said to myself as I stood up, fifteen Matians and one
Venusian. No problem! Id read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from
Venus. Id explored neurological differences in mens and womens brains. I
knew all about gender-specific bodlanguage signals. Hey, I teach
communications differences. I was well prepared to talk to these men, get
my point across, and fend any questions.
Everything started out fine. Id conceived my presentation clearly and
concisely, developed each theme, and presented it flalessly. Then, I sat
ooja
(Ooja)
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