How to Make Them Feel You Empathize (Without Just Saying Yep, Uh
Huh, Yeah)
While listening to someone talk, we often vocalize uh huh or purr
throaty little umm sounds to reassure the speaker we have heard their
words. In fact, with some its such a habit, the noises escape their throats
unconsciously. My friend Phil is a consumate, constant, and incontinent
ummer whenever Im talking. Occasionally, if Im feeling contentious after
hes given one of his agreeable umms in response to something Ive said, I
challenge him with, OK, Phil, what did I say?
Uh, well, gosh... Phil has no idea. Its not his fault. Hes male. Men are
especially guilty of the not-really-listening umm habit. Once, when I was on
a monologue about nothing in paticular, Phil was on a real umm roll. To test
his listening skills, I slipped in, Yes, this afternoon I think Ill go out and get
tattooed all over my body.
Phil nodded his habitual uh huh.
Well, umming is better than a blank stare. However, its not the choice of
top communicators. Try replacing your umms with full-blown empathizers.
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How to Make Them Feel You Empathize 187
What Are Empathizers?
Empathizers are simple, short, supportive statements. Unlike uh huh,
they are complete sentences such as I can appreciate you decided to do that,
or That really is exciting. Empathizers can be one-sentence positive
critiques like Yes, that was the honoable thing to do, or Its charming you
felt that way.
When you respond with complete sentences instead of the usual grunts,
not only do you come across as more articulate, but your listener feels that
you really understand.
Of course, you pay a price. To use the right empathizers, you do need to
listen.
Now lets fine-tune this technique and explore advanced empathizing.
Technique #47
Employ Empathizers
Dont be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show
your understanding. Dust your dialogue with phrases like I see what you
mean. Sprinkle it with sentimental sparklers like Thats a lovely thing to say.
Your empathy impresses your listeners and encourages them to continue.
ooja
(Ooja)
#1