someone by phone, E-mail, or snail mail, it even involves subtleties such as
whether youve ever seen his or face, either in person or a photograph.
Mind boggling, isnt it? Sociologists research shows: 1) a copliment
from a new person is more potent than from someone you already know, 2)
your compliment has more credibility when given to an unattractive person
or an attractive person whose face youve never seen, 3) you are taken more
seriously if you preface your comments by some self-effacing remarkbut
only if your listener perceives you as higher on the totem pole. If youre
lower, your
How to Differentiate the Power of Praise from the Folly of Flattery 201
self-effacing remark reduces your credibility. Complicated, this
complimenting stuff.
Rather than dizzying ourselves with the surfeit of specific studies, lets
just put some terrific techniques in our little bag of tricks. Each of the
following meets all the criteria of social scietists findings. Here are nine
effective ways to praise in the new millennium.
How to Compliment Someone (Without Sounding Like Youre
Brownnosing)
The risk in giving a compliment face-to-face is, of course, that the
distrustful recipient will assume you are indulging in shameless, obsequious
pandering to achieve your own greedy goals.
Its a sad reality about compliments. If you lay a big one out of the blue
on your boss, your prospect, or your sweetie, the reciient will probably
think youre brownnosing. Your main squeeze will assume youre suffering
guilt over something youve done. So whats the solution? Hold back your
sincere esteem?
No, simply deliver it through the grapevine. The grapevine has long
been a trusted means of communication. From the days when Catskills
comics insisted the best ways to spread news were telephone, telegraph, and
tell-a-woman, we have known it works. Unfortunately the grapevine is most
often associated with bad news, the kind that goes in one ear and over the
back fence. But the grapevine need not be laden only with scuttlebutt and
sour grapes. Good news can travel through the same filament. And when it
arrives in the recipients ear, it is all the more delectable. This is not a new
discovery. Back in 1732, Thomas Fuller wrote, Hes my friend that speaks
well of me behind my back. Were
202
ooja
(Ooja)
#1