Practically everyone in the restaurant turned toward the humiliated
waiter. We heard a cacophony of Uh-oh, Buterfingers! Whoops, watch it!
Boy, thats his last lunch here, and a variety of tittering and derisive laughter.
Wilson, however, didnt miss a word of his monologue. Not one big
player at my table turned or blinked an eye. It was as though nothing had
happened. The restaurant gradually quieted down around us as we
continued our deliberations. (A few miutes later the baked potato shot back
out from under our table. At that moment, I found myself wondering
whether Wilson had been a soccer player in his youth.)
Over coffee, the director of marketing, Ms. Dawson, was dicussing the
companys planned expansion. Suddenly she made an expansive gesture
with her arms that knocked over her coffee cup. Just as I was about to say,
Oh dear, I bit my tongue. Before I could grab my napkin to help, Dawson
was dabbing the muddy puddle with hers, and not missing a syllable of her
soliloquy. None of her cool colleagues at the table even seemed to notice
the ove turned cup.
At that instant, I realized big boys and big girls see no blooers, hear no
bloopers. They never say Butterfingers or Whoops or even Uh-oh. They
ignore their colleagues boners. They siply dont notice their comrades minor
spills, slips, fumbles, and blunders. Thus, the technique See No Bloopers,
Hear No Blooers was born.
Let Me Suffer in Your Silence
I have one friend who every time I sneeze says, Oh, are you coing down
with a cold? Every time I miss a step on a curb, its Be careful! Every time
he sees me after a long days work he asks, Are you tired? Granted, this is
small fry in the great bouillabaisse of bloopers. And the poor guy probably
genuinely thinks hes
being sensitive to my needs. But, darn it, coming down with a cold,
missing the curb, and looking tired are less than cool. Let me sufferin
YOUR silence.
If youre having dinner with a friend and she makes a boner, be blind to
her overturned glass. Be deaf to her sneeze, cough, or hiccups. No matter
how well-meaning your gesundheit, whoops, or knowing smile, nobody
likes to be reminded of their own human frailty.
Fine, you say, for small slips, but what should one do in extreme
circumstances? Say a rippling tide of soda is flooding across the table in
ooja
(Ooja)
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