Tuesday afternoon, I begin preparations for the big date. The cuckoo
clock on the wall monitored my progress. At five cuckoos, I run to the store
to find pine nuts. By six cuckoos, Im back home grinding basil and garlic.
At seven cuckoos, Im folding napkins, setting the table, pulling out fresh
candles. Whoops, running late. I change clothes and spruce myself up.
When seven-thirty strikes, I am all ready. The pesto and I await his arrival.
Eight oclock rolls around and no friend. Well, I figure, Ill open the wine
and let it breathe. Another hour passes and no Charles. The cuckoo calls me
cuckoo nine times now. I begin to believe the bird. It is evident Charles isnt
coming. I have been stood up.
The next day Charles called with halfhearted apologies and a
semiplausible excuse. His car broke down. Gee, Im sorry, I said. (I wanted
to say, Did Martians capture you? Were you tranported to another planet
where there were no phones to call me? I resisted the sarcasm.) However,
he did sound contrite so I was almost willing to forget it. Until his next
question.
He obviously wasnt aware of how hed slipped in The Great Scorecard
in the Sky because, instead of inviting me for linguine with pesto at a fine
Italian restaurant to make up for his blooper, he asked, When can we
reschedule at your house?
Never, Charlie.
How to Make All the Right Moves 339
Technique #92
The Great Scorecard in the Sky
Any two people have an invisible scorecard hovering above their heads.
The numbers continually fluctuate, but one rule remains: player with lower
score pays deference to player with higher score. The penalty for not
keeping your eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky is to be thrown out of
the game. Permanently.
Your Destiny
Weve met many people in How to Talk to Anyone. A few of their
names are changed, but each is very real. Recently, I decided to track down
some of the folks with whom Id crossed paths over the years. I wanted to
see what theyre up to now.
Laura, my old friend who dreamed of milkshake millions but ignored
the Supermarket Czars scorecard, is now back at her day job. Sam, who
ruffled me by not revealing he wanted me to speak for his organization, no
ooja
(Ooja)
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